IN WHICH I BELATEDLY, INCOHERENTLY, AND SPOILERIFICALLY RAMBLE ABOUT AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I finally watched Endgame.

I've mentioned before I was going through all the Marvel movies with my family. A couple of you mentioned you wanted a post whenever I watched Endgame. Well I probably would have done one anyway because I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS TO NOT RANT ABOUT IT. xD

So, here it is. A review/rambling of Endgame that is very late because the movie came out like a year ago but do I care? Nope. Also VERY LONG. Like probably the longest post I've ever written.
Also VERY VERY SPOILERY. So if you're like me (super late to everything) and haven't seen it yet, DO NOT PROCEED. I REPEAT. DO NOT PROCEED.

WE'RE IN THE SPOILER ZONE NOW. (this wasn't originally intended to be a "We're in the endgame now" reference, but then why the heck not?)

Also the rambling zone. I'll try to stay somewhat chronological but mostly this is just going to be a big mess with the thoughts in order of when they come to my mind. xD Seriously, don't expect any organized thoughts because WE JUST HERE TO CRY AND FANGIRL. (and use all caps. a lot. like, a LOT. so be prepared.)

ALL RIGHT MIGHT AS WELL START BY TALKING ABOUT THE OPENING SCENE. Cliiiiint! My poor Hawkeye losing his ENTIRE FAMILY??? THAT'S NOT OKAY AND I WAS ALREADY NOT OKAY THE MOMENT I HEARD HIS VOICE AT THE BEGINNING BECAUSE I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. Poor Clint. D:

And then, jumping ahead a little bit, it just killed me seeing the condition Clint was in. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY UNDER CONTROL AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

I was a little stunned when Thor straight-up beheaded Thanos. I was like... who is this movie's villain?? xD And then when it was revealed that it was FIVE. YEARS. LATER.

FIVE YEARS. This killed me. Five YEARS that our heroes spent with the load of what happened and just GAAAHHHH. I was not prepared for this. D:

"Some people move on, but not us. Not us."

(I know that's not an exact quote, but close enough.) This is one of my favorite lines of the movie because it perfectly conveys just how much our heroes cared, how much their loss bothered them. (And it also perfectly conveys how I felt after watching the movie oof)

I totally didn't expect Tony to be a dad, and it was adorable. I'm so glad Tony and Pepper got to get married and have a kid and finally get that life.

And on that note? I AM SO PROUD OF PEPPER. I love that scene where Tony very reluctantly goes to her and tells her that he figured out how to go back in time. Because Pepper is totally understanding and supportive, after all these years of telling him no, of worrying about him, of not wanting him to be in danger.

AND I DON'T BLAME HER. Not one bit. But this scene was beautiful because Pepper is seeing how important this is, how (even if he might not want to admit it) it's important to Tony. And she recognizes that and it's like she gives him her blessing. I just loved that. We've seen these two come a long way.

And speaking of that: TIME TRAVEL? TIME TRAVELING SUPERHEROES? I NEVER expected time travel in this movie. (Somehow in all the months I spent avoiding spoilers, I never once came across even the idea that time travel would be involved.) And it was GOLD. I mean, seeing 2012 Avengers again? Seeing THIS again????

And this line from Tony: "We can all stand around posing up a storm later."

XD Basically the best line ever.

And Loki stealing the Tesseract. Oh, brother. xD (Also, quick break to share this:

XD)

And let's not forget CAPTAIN AMERICA VS. CAPTAIN AMERICA. And using the "I can do this all day" line on himself. And being fully aware of the humor in it. XD

All right, time to talk about THAT PART.

NATASHA.

Yes, you all know the scene. When I realized that Clint and Natasha were in the same place Thanos sacrificed Gamora for an Infinity Stone... my heart just sank. I didn't know who it was going to be, but I knew one of them was going to go.

This scene is perfect. I love (and by love I mean IT RIPS MY HEART OUT) their conversation about how someone's going to have to do it, and Clint says, "I'm starting to think we mean different people here." And then they race each other to the cliff and it's heartbreaking.

What I love so much about this scene, is how neither one of them compromised the other one. There was no "Okay, you can be the one to do it." These guys are BEST FRIENDS. And it shows, in the way they're pretty much tripping over each other to be the one to make the sacrifice. I love it because until the literal last moment, they're fighting for the other one's life.

Excuse me. *exits to the other room and closes door*

*loud wailing comes from inside*

And even though I hated losing Natasha, it made sense. Clint had a family to return to once they reversed the Snap. And Natasha's passion for the past five years has been saving everyone.
"For the last five years I've been trying to do one thing, get to right here. That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

Also, I just want to say how much I ended up LOVING their relationship. I first started loving them in Age of Ultron when you see Natasha with Clint's family, joking around with his wife about the name of their baby, and the kids calling her Aunt Nat... it's just adorable and shows how close Clint and Natasha were. And the fact that there was nothing romantic between them made that even better. #moreoftheserelationshipsplease

All right, moving on from the heartbreak. (for a second. lolololol)

QUICK TALK ABOUT NEBULA. Or rather, past Nebula who somehow got present Nebula's message in her head and STINKING SHOWED IT TO THANOS. This part drove me INSANE. Stupid Thanos kept digging around in the girl's head and I just wanted to scream WOULD YOU STOP MESSING WITH HER HEAD AND JUST LET OUR PEOPLE HAVE A VICTORY PLEASE.

But there was also this which was hilarious:

XD XD XD

I ended up really liking Nebula, which I never thought I would. And I felt SO bad for her during this
part of the movie when she's unwittingly helping Thanos and then facing her past self and seeing what she used to be.

*drills through mind trying to figure out what's left to talk about*

Okay well I think I'm coming to the end of my ramblings, so TIME TO TALK ABOUT CAP.

CAAAAAAAAAAAP.

Y'ALL.

CAP IS WORTHY!!!!!

YESSSS this was the moment I've been waiting for ever since Age of Ultron!!! Not that I ever really thought it would happen. But it drove me crazy in Ultron, because I was just like, how is Cap not worthy? HOW?

TURNS OUT HE IS AND I'VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OF MY BOY.

I don't generally get outwardly excited about TV unless I'm watching alone (I'm weird), but I gasped out loud when Cap caught Mjolnir. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY. And I keep watching that gif over and over again and remembering how excited I was and how much I absolutely love it AAAHHHHHHH!!

All right, now time to come down off that high and back onto a heartbreaking road again. *sigh*. TONY.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

Soo, I went into this movie 100% knowing that Tony was going to die. That was spoiled for me months ago. But I didn't know how or when it would happen until he ended up with the Infinity Stones.

I just LOVE how they used the "I am Iron Man" line again. MAJOR THROWBACK THERE and I dare you not to compare the first and last times he said it and not want to cry.

What stands out to me most about this scene is that Tony was the one who made the sacrifice in order to save the universe. And the reason that stands out to me is what Tony's been struggling with all along. Like how he's just a "man in a can" amidst gods and supersoldiers. Or the guilt he was dealing with in Civil War. How he can't do more.

But in the end, Tony made the sacrifice. In the end he was totally selfless and paid the ultimate price. And I think that was the perfect end for him, because the "man in a can", the one without actual superpowers, the one who had had such human struggles... he was the one who did it. It was more poignant than if it had been Cap or Thor.

THE CHEESEBURGERS LINE. That part made me so sad, thinking back on that very first movie...

*sniffles*

Nowww, I must share some of the things I didn't like. We'll start with the one thing that I absolutely hated.

Yeah... NOT A FAN.

Here's the problem. We haven't seen the Hulk since the beginning of Infinity War. And this is his big return. I'M SORRY BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT WE WANT TO SEE.

We want to see Hulk having a second go at Thanos and beating the guy's head in. (Imagine if they would have had him helping out when they were trying to get the gauntlet off him in Infinity War...). We want to see him tearing through the battle at the end taking down the army like a boss because HE'S THE STINKING HULK.

I'm all for taking different, more realistic routes in stories and I get that Bruce made the decision to merge with the Hulk to make his life easier. And maybe I'm supposed to be happy for him. BUT I'M NOT.

The thing is, with Bruce/Hulk the way he was in this movie, it made the scenes he was in seem almost comical. No, that doesn't mean I wanted to laugh every time he spoke. But the whole situation was just so ridiculous to me that I couldn't take him seriously. And I felt like I didn't truly get Hulk or Bruce in this movie, you know?

I think I heard that this happened in the comics? So, okay, fine, Marvel, if you wanted to do it, whatever. But for heaven's sakes, this was ENDGAME. Why couldn't you have waited to do it until the end of the movie, at least?? Like, show where everyone goes after it's all over and let that be Bruce's happy ending? SIGH. I was just SO disappointed with this aspect of the movie. Because Hulk didn't get to show his stuff at all.

I don't say that about Thor looking different. I didn't like it at first, but the more I think about it the more I don't mind and actually maybe even appreciate it. Because although it WAS disappointing seeing our beloved god of thunder lounging around chugging even more beer into that gut of his, THAT WAS THE POINT. The poor guy's been through some STUFF. And it affected him. So Thor actually went on kind of an inner journey here, and I actually sort of liked it. Especially this:

I didn't appreciate this part as much as I do now until I saw this:

Because of everything he'd been through these past 5 years, he thought all his worthiness had left him. But the point was that your struggles don't make you any less worthy, and the more I think about this the more I really, really love it.

OKAY NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT STARLORD FOR A MINUTE. I love Starlord, I really do. But the guy did something totally stupid in Infinity War that basically made him like 99.99999999% responsible for the Snap. (Like, man, I'm sorry about Gamora, I really am. But if your friends are trying to get the gauntlet off Thanos MAYBE THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS A LITTLE MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW THAN BEATING ON THANOS OVER YOUR ALREADY DEAD GIRLFRIEND?)

My problem here is that (as far as I remember) they never really acknowledged his error?
Maybe they didn't make a big deal of it because of what a HUGE load that would have been on him. And, well, it would have been. I just really wish there would have been SOMETHING. But when Starlord came back in the battle in Endgame, that was it. He just showed up, fought, didn't do much, got kneed by past Gamora, and that was pretty much it.

If they weren't going to acknowledge his mistake, or have him apologize, or anything, I at least would have liked to see him do MORE. Like, maybe have even just one shot of several people attacking Thanos and Starlord being front and center?? Because he kind of owes it to everyone to at least do that??

That brings me to another point. I didn't actually think of this myself; my sister brought it up. But WHY ON EARTH WEREN'T THERE MORE PEOPLE ON THANOS DURING THAT BATTLE? I mean, yeah, I get it, there was an army to fight, too. But you had entire Wakandan army AND literally All The Superheroes. So, there REALLY should have been a Power Group solely focused on Thanos because he's kind of the real problem here. Especially after Captain Marvel showed up and took down the ship. Like I said before, Starlord should have been after Thanos. (Even if not to make up for his mistake, I mean, he's still probably mad about Gamora, right??) HULK SHOULD HAVE BEEN AFTER THANOS. (But for heaven's sakes, let's not rehash THAT missed opportunity.) I know there was a part where Thor, Cap, and Iron Man were all fighting him (which was awesome). I just REALLY feel like they all should have been more focused on taking down the backbone of the operation. *cough*alsowhydidn'tantmanjuststeponhim*cough*

Nowww for the last thing (this one brought to my attention by my brother). This isn't something I didn't like so much as just something I can't help but take notice of now. If you really think about it, bringing everybody back after 5 years would cause a whole big mess in the world.

I heard about the part in Far From Home that shows students returning to their school the same age as they were when Thanos snapped. So, yeah, now half the world is actually five years younger than they should be. So their younger siblings are now older than them... and basically their lives are just super thrown off.

Okay, I guess that could be overlooked, because if you've been dead for 5 years and are suddenly brought back, that's worth the inconvenience of being 5 years too young, right? At least for the family who's been missing you.

But... what about the people who have remarried since losing their spouses in the Snap?

I'm just gonna leave it at that. xD It's a bit of a problem if you pay attention to it. But it doesn't take away from the intentions of our heroes, as I talked about before, because the heart is still there.

Now. On to a point about this whole thing, which will help you understand just why I loved Endgame so much.

None of the other Marvel movies touched me the way Endgame did (except mayyybe Captain America: The First Avenger, and then on a much smaller scale). Why is that?

Because it's in Endgame that it really stood out to me just how much saving the world means to our heroes.

I mentioned the "Some move on, but not us" line earlier. I love that line so much because it really shows us why these heroes are heroes.

Because they can't let go. They can't forget that maybe if they had done something different, things would be different. And they just can't let their worlds go on as if nothing had ever happened, because they know that if there's anyone who can change what happened, it's them. They take the first chance to uproot their own lives (empty as they might be now) and take another shot at saving everyone.
Whatever it takes.

And I don't get the impression that they only want to fix what happened in order to save the people in their lives that they lost. Steve lost Bucky and Sam. Natasha lost Clint-- not to death, but she lost him just the same. Scott lost Hope and her parents. Yet I feel that the core of their passion for going back and changing all of this isn't just for what they lost, but for what the world lost.

After all, remember that line from Cap? Something about "I know it'll work, because I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't."

It's been five years since he lost his friends. He's had five years to adapt to that, and he seems to be doing as well as can be expected. But five years isn't enough to cope with the fact that half the world died and maybe you could have stopped it.

All this rambling is to say that THIS is exactly what I want to see in a superhero. In this movie our heroes showed sacrifice and care and determination, and I loved it so much because that is exactly what a superhero should be. Someone who is painfully passionate about saving as many people as they can and willing to maybe sacrifice themselves for it.

We saw two of our heroes do exactly that in this movie. It was heartbreaking, but it was beautiful and I appreciate it so much.

AND NOW YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT MY FAVORITE PARTS BUT I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.

THE DANCE.

*screams* THE DANCE THE DANCE THE DANCE THE DANCE THE

THEY GOT THEIR DANCE, GUYS. PEGGY AND STEVE GOT THEIR DANCE.

I COULD SCREAM ABOUT THIS FOREVER BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY BUT ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AND BASICALLY IF THERE'S EVER BEEN A TIME THAT I'VE FELT ALL THE FEELS THIS IS IT.

Because THEY GOT THEIR DAAAAAAAANCE.

The end of Captain America KILLS me. It's just so heartbreaking and GAHH I want to cry just thinking about it. And if you've seen Agent Carter, you've been put through even more heartbreak. (I won't say details in case some of you haven't seen it, but that last scene of season 1? The bridge? YEAH UH HUH JUST RIIIIIP MY HEART OUT AND THROW IT IN THE RIVER THANKS.)

I agree with what Sam said; I don't love the idea of a world without a Captain America. But the fact that he got to go back and be with Peggy and THEY GOT THEIR DANCE makes up for it. Because I'm just so happy for them. *crieeeeees* Never in a million years did I think that they would ACTUALLY get to have their dance. And the fact that they got it and got to be together I just... gAAHHH. I literally need to shut up now or I could add eighteen more paragraphs to this too-long post to screech about it. (if you want to join me in the screeching when you're done reading this, I'll be in that room I was in earlier. *walks in* *closes door* *SCREECHES*)

*takes a deep breath*

Whew. Okay, that was a lot. I do deeply apologize for this ridiculously long post except I don't because Endgame deserved it.

In conclusion: Endgame broke me. It ripped my heart out. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. It gave me much the same feeling I get when I finish watching Lord of the Rings and if I've talked about that before, you know I always feel emotionally exhausted, sad it's over, and wish I knew those characters personally.

I really didn't expect Endgame to affect me so much. But it had been months of watching all the Marvel movies leading up to it, and then it was just... over. And I had to say goodbye to all of those characters that I love for good. (I don't plan to keep up with the new things they have coming out, so Endgame was it for me.) My poor little fangirl heart couldn't take it.

As I write this, I'm listening to the soundtrack for, ahem, the seventh time since watching the movie. Yeah... it was kind of all I wanted to listen to for a while. Except I was already an emotional wreck and reliving the music again certainly didn't help. When I first started writing this post right after watching the movie the emotions were still fresh and I kept stopping and tearing up. I'm fine.

Hopefully I said everything I wanted to say in this post... because I had a LOT to say. xD I won't be over Endgame for a long time... if I ever am. It wasn't perfect, but man, did it hit me hard. And it did exactly what I think a good story should: it inspired me to write stories that have the same heart, the same gutwrenching passion, and that makes people feel the way it made me feel.

So, I guess its job is done.

I can't end this post without a big thank you to Nicole who listened to my ridiculously emotional and
dramatic play-by-play and kept me sane with all her emotional support during this movie. I would have gone crazy without someone to fangirl with. xD

IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS POST, YOU DESERVE SHAWARMA. *gives you virtual shawarma* I don't have any discussion questions for you, so I'll just turn you all loose to fangirl with me in the comments. XD