MARCH 2020

And just like that, March is over and so is the first quarter of 2020 (What????).

March has been wild, hasn't it? I think this will definitely be a month that will go down in history, if nothing else due to all the memes that have been made about it.

But March is over now, and hopefully, prayerfully, April will see a brighter future. Before we move on, though, let's take a look back at what happened in March, shall we?

MOST of my reading this month was Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. It took me over a month to read because um HELLO MONSTER. (this girl's never dipped her toes in the adult-fantasy genre before xD)

I finished it over a week ago and yeah I can't think about because I am nOT OKAYYYYYY *CRIES*

Aaaand then after I was done with that, I decided to reread the Out of Time series! I read this for the first time almost a year ago and I've literally been wanting to reread it ever since I finished it. I'm currently about halfway through the first book and maannnn I love these books. Reading it again, I can see more clearly how much growth Parvin has between the beginning and the end of the series.

Something else occurred to me this time around: I can relate to Parvin in a way I hadn't realized before. Parvin goes back and forth between acting like a believer, showing her cross ring and not wanting to hide her beliefs, and then acting like she doesn't even believe in God. I had fleeting thoughts of that being weird and inconsistent.

But then I realized that that used to be me. I always believed in God (even if I didn't feel like I should sometimes), but there was a looong time when that was all I did. I believed because I knew it was right, but I didn't really like Him or think He loved me. And comparing myself to Parvin at this point in her story, the similarity was kind of scary. But I'm thankful that both of us pulled through.

So, this month I tried to get back into Fall Into Time. I really did.

And I don't know if it's me or the story, but I just couldn't do it.

So, as I said in my last post, I switched Camp NaNo projects at the last minute and decided to work on Once Upon instead, aka my Trentley and Jynnia book.

I haven't really done any writing this month. xD The only fiction I wrote was my Trentley and Jynnia flash fiction I posted on Saturday.

Also, I don't remember if I said anything about wanting to keep track of how many words I write this year... but yeah, I was planning on it and I already failed. xD Oh, well.

On the 18th, I turned 22.

So, y'know, the birthday I've been waiting for since I turned 15 and passed up the last age-themed Taylor Swift song. And you can bet I celebrated accordingly.

(this cake was ridiculously delicious, by the way)

We listened to "22" while eating cake. It was the best thing ever.

Spring began, and then promptly dumped snow and sleet on us, followed by a nearby tornado. #fun You guys know I love winter and rain, but I'm just ready for sunshine.

MY BLOG HIT 10K PAGE VIEWS THIS MONTH! *plays kazoo* And for what it's worth, March 1 marked a year and half since I started my blog. (and I'm already getting excited about my blogaversary in September. :P)

(Another disclaimer to make it clear that no, what's happening is not humorous; but laughter is good medicine and these are a few things that made me laugh amidst all the craziness.)

Some music I've been enjoying:

High Hopes by Panic! At the Disco (kind of obsessed right now, honestly)
Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons (this song is perfect for Avengers: Endgame and I was watching fanmade videos and feeling the feels all over again)
Painted Skies by Anthem Lights (this album came out like three years ago and I didn't listen to it until this month... I don't really know why? but I finally did and it's so good!)
Avengers: Endgame soundtrack (I haven't been listening to it as much as I did at the start of the month, but I still loooove it) (also still stop and feel the feels at parts)

So, yeah, I never thought I'd live through what feels at times like a YA dystopian. Now the question is: which one of us is going to rise above the odds and be the protagonist of this novel and cure COVID-19?? More importantly, who's going to be the brooding love interest?

Priorities, people.

Anyway. xD I hope you're all staying safe and healthy, and I'm praying that all of this craziness will pass soon. Here's to a better April! And onward to Camp NaNoWriMo!

How has your March been? Do YOU have what it takes to be our hero? (I would do it but I'm pretty sure the hero's not allowed to be older than 18, so...) And Wrimos, tell me about your Camp projects!

TROUBLE COMES IN LIKE A LION (THE WOUNDED LION FLASH FICTION!)

Hello everyone! EXCITING DAY TODAY because today I bring you another installment of THE ADVENTURES OF TRENTLEY AND JYNNIA. *confetti*

So, if you didn't know, every month there's a new writing prompt on Intuitive Writing Guide to go along with the featured fairy tale over at The Fairy Tale Central. (and if you don't know what FTC is, GO BURY YOURSELF IN ITS GOODNESS. RIGHT NOW.) This month the featured fairy tale is: THE WOUNDED LION!

I had NEVER heard of The Wounded Lion before. And if you haven't either, you need to go read it right now because it's one of my new favorites. The heroine is just so sweet and kind and, I mean, LIONS.

Buuut I digress. I'm excited to share with you the newest Trentley and Jynnia story, brought to you by the writing prompt of the month!

DISCLAIMER: If you've read my past Trentley and Jynnia stories, do nooot expect continuity or anything. xD These stories are all so vastly different, it'd be hard to stay consistent with only a couple weeks at the MOST to write them each month. I just write these for fun and your entertainment, so I don't focus too much on minor details (or major details, let's be honest xD).  (I do have a full-length book I'm working on about Trentley and Jynnia, which you may remember me talking about last NaNoWriMo. That's separate from these stories and is therefore not affected by the continuity or lack thereof. xD)

All right, here it is! (another disclaimer: I fully acknowledge how awful my titles for these stories are xD)

TROUBLE COMES IN LIKE A LION

 "Is that what I think it is?" Jynnia gasped and ran toward the woods.
 "Jynnia, wait!" I should know better by now than to try to slow her down. Trentley watched her running toward the forest, her dress flapping around her knees in the wind. Even a nice evening stroll couldn't go as planned, with her. He smiled as he walked toward her at a much slower pace, feeling a surge of love for the wild-hearted girl before him.
 "It's a cottage!" Jynnia threw the excited words over her shoulder.
 "Jynnia, might I remind you that last time you ran into the woods in a hurry, we got followed by a dwarf? And I got turned into a bear?"
 She stopped and grinned back at him.
 "And it was in the forest that you got turned into a frog." Trentley reached her and put his hands on his hips. "Bad things happen in the forest, Jynnia. Very bad things."
 Jynnia laughed. "Stop teasing. It's a cottage, Trentley. A cottage in the woods! I have to look at it!" She darted the last few yards into the trees.
 Trentley sighed but kept smiling and followed her.
 When he joined her again, she was peering in the window.
 "Jynnia!" Trentley said, amused. "You can't just peek in people's windows."
 "Nobody's in there," Jynnia said. She ran to the door and gently tried the knob. Trentley was about to say something about breaking into someone's house, but the door easily opened.
 "Yikes, it's a mess in here," Jynnia said, stepping inside. Trentley followed her.
 "Guess we'll have to clean it," Trentley said.
 Jynnia gasped. "That's a great idea!"
 "No-- Jynnia-- I was just--"
 But Jynnia had already flung the door wide open to let in the dim forest light and began work tidying up the one-room cottage. Trentley stood in the doorway watching her with a smile.
 "You're something, you know that?"
 "I had to!" Jynnia said, holding her hands out. She had an empty vase in one hand and a dirty pillow in the other, and a big smile on her face. "It reminded me of a fairy tale I read once."
 "Oh, boy," Trentley said under his breath, standing up straight.
 "Plus, won't it be so lovely when someone comes in here-- whether they live here or they just need a place to stay for the night-- and it's all neat and tidy? What a dream."
 "Exactly what fairy tale, Jynnia?"
 "Huh?" Jynnia looked up from sweeping the floor with a broom she'd found in the corner. "Oh, the one about the girl who finds a wounded lion in the woods and he turns out to be a handsome prince."
 "Jynnia, what if there's a jewel--"
 "Guess that makes you my handsome prince."
 "Jynnia, it's getting dark, maybe we should--"
 A growl, loud and agonized, silenced them both. Jynnia shrieked.
 Trentley spun around.
 For a few moments there was nothing. Then, limping toward them through the trees, was a young man. He held his thigh as if it pained him, and grimaced as he walked. He wore rather royal-looking clothing, though they were dirty and torn in places.
 He seemed distracted, but finally looked up and saw Trentley and Jynnia. Stopping short, he demanded, "Who are you?"
 Trentley hesitated and reached back to take Jynnia's hand, pulling her close to his side.
 Jynnia pressed herself to him and looked at the newcomer carefully. "Random question for you. Are you a lion by any chance?"
 Alarm flickered across the man's face, and he squinted at her. "Why would--" He suddenly looked behind her, through the open door. "Wait. Since we're asking random questions, have you been cleaning my house?"
 "Oh, uh... this is your house?"
 "Told you!" Trentley muttered.
 The man ran to the door-- or limped as quickly as he could-- and peered inside. "It wasn't even this clean when I found it," he said in amazement. "Why did you clean it?"
 "I, uh..." Jynnia shrugged, amused by this situation. "Just thought it would be nice."
 He stood up straight and looked at her with interest. "You never told me who you were."
 "My name is Trentley," Trentley said.
 "And I'm Jynnia," she said.
 The man squinted at them. "I am Prince Herek."
 "Prince?" Jynnia sputtered, looking up at Trentley open-mouthed. "So, uh, back to that last question I asked..."
 Prince Herek gave a pained smile. "Yes, indeed, I am a lion. At least, during the day I am. Truly, during the darkness is the only time I can retain my real form. Cruel, isn't it?"
 "I'm sorry," Jynnia said. "Is there anything we can do to help?
 Trentley wanted to erase her question. Something didn't sit right with him about this man.
 But the prince's eyes brightened, and he stepped closer. "Such a kind soul," he said. "First you clean my house, then you offer to help me from my curse."
 Trentley looked around for a jewel. There had to be one somewhere, and he felt the smartest thing would be to get it and get out.
 Prince Herek eyed Trentley, and Trentley eyed him back.
 "Come, Sir Trentley," Prince Herek said, backing slowly through the doorway while keeping his eye on Trentley. "Let me give you something for cleaning my house."
 "But I wasn't the one who--"
 "Let me give you something for your lady, then." He had disappeared into the cottage.
 Trentley looked at Jynnia. "Stay here," he warned, and stepped toward the door.
 Before he could even cross the threshold, Herek emerged with a vase-- the one Jynnia had been holding earlier-- and smashed it over Trentley's head.
 Jynnia screamed, and white light flooded Trentley's vision. 

      * * *

 They stood on the side of a mountain.
 Jynnia's legs burned. Her feet hurt. Her wrist was sore from Herek's pulling on it the whole night.
 Tears spilled from her eyes. Exhaustion and worry made it hard to remain standing.
 "Okay, so you've locked my unconscious boyfriend in a cottage, and you've dragged me through the forest all night, and now you've dragged me up a mountain. What's next?" She paused and glared at him. "What happened to your limp? Didn't seem to be bothering you when you were doing the said dragging."
 In the growing light of the rising sun, Herek shifted back and forth on his feet uneasily. "When I'm a lion, I'm cursed with a multitude of injuries. When I turn back into myself at night, the effects from those injuries carry over for only a few minutes. Now, we're wasting time." He pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to her. 
 Jynnia gasped. It was the jewel that she had been waiting for.
 "Give this to the giant that lives at the top of the mountain," Herek said.
 "I was afraid you'd say that." Jynnia reached out for the jewel but hesitated. It was hers and Trentley's goal to collect all the jewels and keep them safe so that they didn't affect anyone else. Was giving it to a giant a good idea?
 "Why can't you do it?" she asked suddenly.
 "Because..." He glanced nervously toward the top of the mountain. "I..."
 "You're afraid," Jynnia said. "He's the one who cursed you, and you're afraid to face him again."
 He looked at her sheepishly.
 I don't believe this. "So, you're sending a girl to do it for you?"
 "Listen," he said defensively. "The giant has a soft spot for ladies. And magic. So, when you give him that jewel and ask him to unenchant me, he'll do it. It'll be fine."
 "Who is on my mountain?"
 The ground shook. Jynnia stumbled to her knees as a massive shadow loomed over her.
 When she turned around, the giant stood looking down from the top of the mountain. "You," he growled, sounding strangely amused.
 But he wasn't talking to her. She followed his gaze behind her, and gasped when she saw a battered and bloodied lion where Herek had been a few moments ago.
 The sun had come up.
 "Why are you here, cursed little vermin?" the giant asked.
 Jynnia noted the irony of the hulking lion before her being called little.
 "Please, I've brought you an offering," Herek said. Jynnia could not help but jump when he began talking in his lion form. "Please, in exchange for unenchanting me?"
 His voice shook, and he looked as if he might collapse at any moment. "The jewel," he said when Jynnia did nothing.
 "Oh, uh..." She looked down at the jewel in her hand and held it out tentatively toward the giant. No time to reconsider now.
 The giant knelt down and leaned toward her. It took all she had not to flinch or step back as he leaned his enormous body down the mountain and met her gaze. Her hands trembled.
 "I don't want the jewel," he said, as if he had thought about this long and hard. "I want her."

      * * *

 Trentley sat up quickly, making his already aching head hurt worse.
  Cottage. Herek. Jynnia. Lion.
 "Jynnia!" Trentley yelled, springing to his feet. He ran to the door, but crashed into it when he tried to exit. After recovering from that impact, he shook the doorknob violently, but he was stuck inside.
 And he had the feeling that something was very wrong. 

MUAHAHAHAH haven't left you guys with a cliffhanger for a while, have I? ;)

While I was writing this I thought about the fact that it's Trentley and Jynnia's goal to round up all the magical jewels because they're causing problems... sooo, they're basically trying to find the Infinity Stones. xD How about a crossover??

Speaking of Trentley and Jynnia, my goal for Camp NaNo is to finish the first draft of their full-length book I mentioned earlier! I wrote the first 50k last November but never got around to finishing it. I was fully planning on working on Fall Into Time for Camp, but here's what happened: I was having trouble getting into it and then I started thinking about Trentley and Jynnia. The end.

Buuut really: since Once Upon (the tentative title for Trentley and Jynnia's book) is newer and fresher in my mind, I think I'll be more successful in finishing the first draft. And I figured I should go ahead and try to do that, rather than keep spinning my wheels on a story that I've been struggling with for months, and let Once Upon become old news.

SO. Once Upon, it is. I haven't done a lick of planning, so we'll see how this April goes. xD

Soo what about you guys? Have you ever heard of/read The Wounded Lion? How do you feel about being left on a cliffhanger?? (hehehehehe) And who's doing Camp NaNo??

THE QUARANTINE TO-DO LIST YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR

How are we doing, guys? Are we social distancing? (aka staying home, avoiding human interaction, getting lost in a book-- oh, wait, that's my normal life XD)

It's crazy, how's there's this nationwide (WORLDwide, even) crisis that literally everyone is aware of. If anybody mentions anything about quarantine or hoarding or washing your hands, we're all immediately thinking of the exact same thing: the current COVID-19 situation.

The world is practicing social distancing. (Well, the whole world minus all the people who are STILL going through fast food drive thrus. #lollovemyjob) Some people are required to quarantine. Schools and churches are closing, restaurants are closing their lobbies and going drive-thru only (this is a plus if you ask me-- remember what I said about human interaction? hehe), plans are being cancelled.

So, where are many of us? At home. Maybe you're going crazy, maybe it's just another day in your normal life. REGARDLESS, I am here to rescue you, with a Very Useful and Legitimate List of things to do while you're in isolation.

1. Become a Disney princess.

Oftentimes Disney princesses start out rather isolated, yes? Look at Cinderella, Aurora, Rapunzel, Anna. So, stand at the window and brush your hair while singing. Dance around the house while cleaning. Talk to a bird. Read a book, or maybe two or three. If you do all of these things, you will definitely become a Disney princess and the isolation will be #worthit.

2. Find someone to train as a Jedi.

Isolation makes you a GREAT mentor. Of course, you're going to have to stay six feet away from your trainee at all times. But hugs aren't necessary for learning the Force.

3. Build an arc reactor.

It'll boost your immunity. Probably. At any rate, you'll be that much closer to becoming a superhero.

4. Become obsessively attached to some object.

Preferably a ring. Why? Because your possessiveness will drive you to self-isolate yourself in a cave, where the odds of coming in contact with anybody else are very slim. WARNING: This lifestyle can lead you to eat anybody who does stumble across your path.

5. Read an interactive book.

Preferably one that sucks you into saving Fantasia. This is most effective if you're isolated in an attic during a storm, and your mother's name is Moonchild.

6. Find a wardrobe.

For HEAVEN'S SAKES, find a wardrobe!! If you by chance can't find one in your house (which I mean everyone probably has one under a big sheet somewhere??), build one. Use all the other furniture in the house, if needed. But a wardrobe is an ABSOLUTE NECESSITY for isolation.

All of these things are GUARANTEED to make isolation 110% better! (Except maybe #4. But, well, at least you have options.) These are the only acceptable things to do while being stuck at home/social distancing. If you don't do these things, you're not fit to be a book protagonist, and if the zombie apocalypse strikes suddenly, it is CRUCIAL to be a protagonist!

All right, real talk. I take our current circumstances very seriously and no, it's not a joke. But we have to stay in good spirits, yeah? Maybe a laugh is what one of you needed today and, well, if nothing else I hope these ridiculous suggestions brightened your day.

There ARE good things happening. The biggest one I see is all the support going around, particularly on social media. Yes, I'm sure there's toxicity being spread there, too. But I've been fortunate to mostly see people offering prayers, sharing book recommendations (you know, the important stuff), and just banding together in this challenging time. What's going on is bad, but there's a strange
feeling of unity, and that's good. 

As for me, I'm not officially quarantined yet, although we ARE social distancing. Our church is cancelled for at least two weeks. Like I mentioned before, my job has closed the lobby. Wal Mart is DEPLETED. Remember, y'all, toilet paper is great but it's not going to protect you from anything. xD

I truly hope you all are staying safe and healthy, and I am praying for all of you! Keep your head up- God is with us!

Quarantine or not, what are your favorite things to do when you're stuck at home? Which one of the things on this list would you do first? Any other suggestions? ;)

THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TAG!

Am I doing a Marvel post two weeks in a row?

Why, yes I am.

Because funny story. After I finally watched Endgame, I went back and read all the Marvel-related posts I'd been avoiding for a year. Including Nicole's. And, oh look, she tagged me for the Marvel Cinematic Universe Tag and I had no idea because I didn't read her post because I was terrified of spoilers. xD (You gotta understand that at the time the newest movie I'd seen was Age of Ultron. So it wasn't just Endgame I was missing out on.)

But, well, here I am making up for lost time except I'm not because I was literally tagged almost a year ago and finally doing the tag! Thanks, Nicole! xD

(spoilers for the Marvel movies to follow!!)

Guidelines
Feel free to include the above graphic somewhere in your post (but it’s definitely not necessary). 

Take the questions and answer them on your blog (or social media or wherever!).

Tag up to 5 other Marvel fans!

All right, here we go!

1. How were you introduced into the MCU fandom?

My brother! We were super late to the game, but I think it was around the year Avengers came out that my family finally jumped on the bandwagon and watched all the Marvel movies. I don't know if there was a reason other than just that we like superheroes. xD But my brother was the first one to watch them and bring them to the rest of us.

2. What’s your favorite Marvel film?

Oh, dear.

Okay. So, Captain America: The First Avenger will forever be the nearest and dearest to my heart (World War II!! Steve!! Peggy!!), and just in general I would have to say that it's my favorite. BUT it's kind of hard to compare that to other movies such as The Avengers or Endgame, because they just literally explode awesomeness all over your screen.

So, this is kind of a tough question to answer. Because I feel like to be fair you have to split the movies into two categories: "single" movies (Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Ant-Man, etc) and "group" movies (Avengers, Infinity War, Guardians of the Galaxy, etc.). You feel me?
*is totally overcomplicating this answer* *by like a lot*

But, well, anyway. How about a top 3 instead?? Which would probably be Captain America, The Avengers, and Endgame. There you go. xD

3. Top favorite Marvel character?

THIS ONE IS EASY AND WILL NEVER CHANGE. STEVE ROGERS FOR THE WIN. CAPTAIN AMERICA, I LOVE YOU.

YAASSSSS

4. If you were transported into the MCU and had to trade places with one of the superheroes, who would you choose?

Does Peggy Carter count as a superhero?

Dude, I don't know. Some of these guys have some pretty rough lives. xD Like, I was going to say Thor because Asgard is awesome, but... Asgard is also No More. So.

Instead I'll go with Spiderman, because A: he's closest in age to me, B: he's got a slightly more normal life than some of the others, and C: he's still alive. XP

5. What are some of your favorite quotes from the films?

OH YES. QUOTES ARE MY THING. HERE WE GO.

"I want one."

"Pepper Potts."

-Iron Man 2

"Another!"

-Thor

"I can do this all day."

-Captain America: The First Avenger

also Civil War

also Endgame xD

"Well, you're not wrong."

"I understood that reference."

"Doth Mother know you weareth her drapes?"

-The Avengers

"Some move on, but not us. Not us."

-Endgame

One last bonus one:

"I'm not from Earth, I'm from Missouri."

-Infinity War

SOLELY including this one because I live in Missouri. xD yeah it's my luck that the superhero i get 
to claim is the one that was partially responsible for the snap

And sooo many more that I know for positive that I'm forgetting. But most of these I actually do quote regularly, so. xD

6. Which crew would you want to be part of the most: Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, or Revengers?

Oh, the Avengers. No doubt about it. CAPTAIN AMERICA. HELLO, PEOPLE.

7. Favorite and least favorite ship?

Favorite: me and Steve PEGGY AND STEVE. PEGGY AND STEVE. DID I MENTION PEGGY AND STEVE? ALSO DID I MENTION THIS?

HI YES STILL NOT OVER THIS BYE

Least favorite ship? Uh, yeah. WANDA AND VISION. I'm sorry to those of you who may ship them, but... he's not human. She's basically dating a computer. This is like if Tony was to dump Pepper for Friday. I'M SORRY BUT NO.

8. Favorite and least favorite villain?

This is another hard question to answer, because this question could be taken two different ways: The villains I find most/least likeable, or the villains that I actually think make the best/worst villains. Like, I don't like Thanos AT ALL, but he's a great villain, you know? A better villain in my opinion than Loki, who I actually LIKE more. yup this is me  the queen of overcomplicating things

SO. We'll just answer both ways. My favorite villain for likeability? Well, obviously Loki. My favorite villain for general villain-ness? It would have to be Thanos.

Now, least favorite?? *tries to remember all the forgettable villains* Oh, hey, well, this guy wasn't forgettable, but I hated Killmonger. He just had one of those attitudes that makes me want to see him get beat up by a little girl. Or pre-supersoldier Steve Rogers.

Go away.

BUT he was also a good villain. So, for villain-ness, I'd have to say Whiplash from Iron Man 2. I mean, he had cool whips (HAHA COOL WHIP I DIDN'T EVEN MEAN TO MAKE THAT PUN), but I just didn't care about him or his backstory. At all.

9. Unpopular MCU opinion?

Thor: The Dark World was actually good?? Yes, it was far from the best. But I really don't get why people hate it so much.

10. What’s your favorite Stan Lee cameo scene?

Okay, so I looked them all up (because my memory is terrible oops) and I thiiink it would be between these two:

XD These two are total opposites and it's hilarious. I guess we can assume he's playing the same character who's just gotten a whole lot smarter since 2012.

I'm not tagging anybody because even if I did follow rules I'm already a year late to doing this tag so
what's the point. xD *insert generic mass tag for whoever wants to do it*

But anyway, that was so much fun! And a perfect way to follow up my Marvel marathon. Maybe now I can step away from the screeching about Marvel and talk about other things. *shrug* Maybe. *resists the urge to say some move on but not us* *not us*

I hope you all are having a great Saturday! My family and I had plans tonight, but we decided to skip braving the crowd because of current #situations. I'm disappointed but not, you know? I had asked off work early for our plans, so now this just means more time at home. #notcomplaining

If you're stuck at home due to the virus, enjoy your extra time for reading/writing/whatever! Stay safe, everyone, and remember that God is in control!

All right, guys, what's your favorite Marvel movie? Do you agree that Wanda and Vision's relationship is creepy? xD And who else likes Thor: The Dark World? LET'S TALK ALL THE MARVEL THINGS because we didn't do enough of that last week!!!

IN WHICH I BELATEDLY, INCOHERENTLY, AND SPOILERIFICALLY RAMBLE ABOUT AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I finally watched Endgame.

I've mentioned before I was going through all the Marvel movies with my family. A couple of you mentioned you wanted a post whenever I watched Endgame. Well I probably would have done one anyway because I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS TO NOT RANT ABOUT IT. xD

So, here it is. A review/rambling of Endgame that is very late because the movie came out like a year ago but do I care? Nope. Also VERY LONG. Like probably the longest post I've ever written.
Also VERY VERY SPOILERY. So if you're like me (super late to everything) and haven't seen it yet, DO NOT PROCEED. I REPEAT. DO NOT PROCEED.

WE'RE IN THE SPOILER ZONE NOW. (this wasn't originally intended to be a "We're in the endgame now" reference, but then why the heck not?)

Also the rambling zone. I'll try to stay somewhat chronological but mostly this is just going to be a big mess with the thoughts in order of when they come to my mind. xD Seriously, don't expect any organized thoughts because WE JUST HERE TO CRY AND FANGIRL. (and use all caps. a lot. like, a LOT. so be prepared.)

ALL RIGHT MIGHT AS WELL START BY TALKING ABOUT THE OPENING SCENE. Cliiiiint! My poor Hawkeye losing his ENTIRE FAMILY??? THAT'S NOT OKAY AND I WAS ALREADY NOT OKAY THE MOMENT I HEARD HIS VOICE AT THE BEGINNING BECAUSE I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. Poor Clint. D:

And then, jumping ahead a little bit, it just killed me seeing the condition Clint was in. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY UNDER CONTROL AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

I was a little stunned when Thor straight-up beheaded Thanos. I was like... who is this movie's villain?? xD And then when it was revealed that it was FIVE. YEARS. LATER.

FIVE YEARS. This killed me. Five YEARS that our heroes spent with the load of what happened and just GAAAHHHH. I was not prepared for this. D:

"Some people move on, but not us. Not us."

(I know that's not an exact quote, but close enough.) This is one of my favorite lines of the movie because it perfectly conveys just how much our heroes cared, how much their loss bothered them. (And it also perfectly conveys how I felt after watching the movie oof)

I totally didn't expect Tony to be a dad, and it was adorable. I'm so glad Tony and Pepper got to get married and have a kid and finally get that life.

And on that note? I AM SO PROUD OF PEPPER. I love that scene where Tony very reluctantly goes to her and tells her that he figured out how to go back in time. Because Pepper is totally understanding and supportive, after all these years of telling him no, of worrying about him, of not wanting him to be in danger.

AND I DON'T BLAME HER. Not one bit. But this scene was beautiful because Pepper is seeing how important this is, how (even if he might not want to admit it) it's important to Tony. And she recognizes that and it's like she gives him her blessing. I just loved that. We've seen these two come a long way.

And speaking of that: TIME TRAVEL? TIME TRAVELING SUPERHEROES? I NEVER expected time travel in this movie. (Somehow in all the months I spent avoiding spoilers, I never once came across even the idea that time travel would be involved.) And it was GOLD. I mean, seeing 2012 Avengers again? Seeing THIS again????

And this line from Tony: "We can all stand around posing up a storm later."

XD Basically the best line ever.

And Loki stealing the Tesseract. Oh, brother. xD (Also, quick break to share this:

XD)

And let's not forget CAPTAIN AMERICA VS. CAPTAIN AMERICA. And using the "I can do this all day" line on himself. And being fully aware of the humor in it. XD

All right, time to talk about THAT PART.

NATASHA.

Yes, you all know the scene. When I realized that Clint and Natasha were in the same place Thanos sacrificed Gamora for an Infinity Stone... my heart just sank. I didn't know who it was going to be, but I knew one of them was going to go.

This scene is perfect. I love (and by love I mean IT RIPS MY HEART OUT) their conversation about how someone's going to have to do it, and Clint says, "I'm starting to think we mean different people here." And then they race each other to the cliff and it's heartbreaking.

What I love so much about this scene, is how neither one of them compromised the other one. There was no "Okay, you can be the one to do it." These guys are BEST FRIENDS. And it shows, in the way they're pretty much tripping over each other to be the one to make the sacrifice. I love it because until the literal last moment, they're fighting for the other one's life.

Excuse me. *exits to the other room and closes door*

*loud wailing comes from inside*

And even though I hated losing Natasha, it made sense. Clint had a family to return to once they reversed the Snap. And Natasha's passion for the past five years has been saving everyone.
"For the last five years I've been trying to do one thing, get to right here. That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

Also, I just want to say how much I ended up LOVING their relationship. I first started loving them in Age of Ultron when you see Natasha with Clint's family, joking around with his wife about the name of their baby, and the kids calling her Aunt Nat... it's just adorable and shows how close Clint and Natasha were. And the fact that there was nothing romantic between them made that even better. #moreoftheserelationshipsplease

All right, moving on from the heartbreak. (for a second. lolololol)

QUICK TALK ABOUT NEBULA. Or rather, past Nebula who somehow got present Nebula's message in her head and STINKING SHOWED IT TO THANOS. This part drove me INSANE. Stupid Thanos kept digging around in the girl's head and I just wanted to scream WOULD YOU STOP MESSING WITH HER HEAD AND JUST LET OUR PEOPLE HAVE A VICTORY PLEASE.

But there was also this which was hilarious:

XD XD XD

I ended up really liking Nebula, which I never thought I would. And I felt SO bad for her during this
part of the movie when she's unwittingly helping Thanos and then facing her past self and seeing what she used to be.

*drills through mind trying to figure out what's left to talk about*

Okay well I think I'm coming to the end of my ramblings, so TIME TO TALK ABOUT CAP.

CAAAAAAAAAAAP.

Y'ALL.

CAP IS WORTHY!!!!!

YESSSS this was the moment I've been waiting for ever since Age of Ultron!!! Not that I ever really thought it would happen. But it drove me crazy in Ultron, because I was just like, how is Cap not worthy? HOW?

TURNS OUT HE IS AND I'VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OF MY BOY.

I don't generally get outwardly excited about TV unless I'm watching alone (I'm weird), but I gasped out loud when Cap caught Mjolnir. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY. And I keep watching that gif over and over again and remembering how excited I was and how much I absolutely love it AAAHHHHHHH!!

All right, now time to come down off that high and back onto a heartbreaking road again. *sigh*. TONY.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

Soo, I went into this movie 100% knowing that Tony was going to die. That was spoiled for me months ago. But I didn't know how or when it would happen until he ended up with the Infinity Stones.

I just LOVE how they used the "I am Iron Man" line again. MAJOR THROWBACK THERE and I dare you not to compare the first and last times he said it and not want to cry.

What stands out to me most about this scene is that Tony was the one who made the sacrifice in order to save the universe. And the reason that stands out to me is what Tony's been struggling with all along. Like how he's just a "man in a can" amidst gods and supersoldiers. Or the guilt he was dealing with in Civil War. How he can't do more.

But in the end, Tony made the sacrifice. In the end he was totally selfless and paid the ultimate price. And I think that was the perfect end for him, because the "man in a can", the one without actual superpowers, the one who had had such human struggles... he was the one who did it. It was more poignant than if it had been Cap or Thor.

THE CHEESEBURGERS LINE. That part made me so sad, thinking back on that very first movie...

*sniffles*

Nowww, I must share some of the things I didn't like. We'll start with the one thing that I absolutely hated.

Yeah... NOT A FAN.

Here's the problem. We haven't seen the Hulk since the beginning of Infinity War. And this is his big return. I'M SORRY BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT WE WANT TO SEE.

We want to see Hulk having a second go at Thanos and beating the guy's head in. (Imagine if they would have had him helping out when they were trying to get the gauntlet off him in Infinity War...). We want to see him tearing through the battle at the end taking down the army like a boss because HE'S THE STINKING HULK.

I'm all for taking different, more realistic routes in stories and I get that Bruce made the decision to merge with the Hulk to make his life easier. And maybe I'm supposed to be happy for him. BUT I'M NOT.

The thing is, with Bruce/Hulk the way he was in this movie, it made the scenes he was in seem almost comical. No, that doesn't mean I wanted to laugh every time he spoke. But the whole situation was just so ridiculous to me that I couldn't take him seriously. And I felt like I didn't truly get Hulk or Bruce in this movie, you know?

I think I heard that this happened in the comics? So, okay, fine, Marvel, if you wanted to do it, whatever. But for heaven's sakes, this was ENDGAME. Why couldn't you have waited to do it until the end of the movie, at least?? Like, show where everyone goes after it's all over and let that be Bruce's happy ending? SIGH. I was just SO disappointed with this aspect of the movie. Because Hulk didn't get to show his stuff at all.

I don't say that about Thor looking different. I didn't like it at first, but the more I think about it the more I don't mind and actually maybe even appreciate it. Because although it WAS disappointing seeing our beloved god of thunder lounging around chugging even more beer into that gut of his, THAT WAS THE POINT. The poor guy's been through some STUFF. And it affected him. So Thor actually went on kind of an inner journey here, and I actually sort of liked it. Especially this:

I didn't appreciate this part as much as I do now until I saw this:

Because of everything he'd been through these past 5 years, he thought all his worthiness had left him. But the point was that your struggles don't make you any less worthy, and the more I think about this the more I really, really love it.

OKAY NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT STARLORD FOR A MINUTE. I love Starlord, I really do. But the guy did something totally stupid in Infinity War that basically made him like 99.99999999% responsible for the Snap. (Like, man, I'm sorry about Gamora, I really am. But if your friends are trying to get the gauntlet off Thanos MAYBE THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS A LITTLE MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW THAN BEATING ON THANOS OVER YOUR ALREADY DEAD GIRLFRIEND?)

My problem here is that (as far as I remember) they never really acknowledged his error?
Maybe they didn't make a big deal of it because of what a HUGE load that would have been on him. And, well, it would have been. I just really wish there would have been SOMETHING. But when Starlord came back in the battle in Endgame, that was it. He just showed up, fought, didn't do much, got kneed by past Gamora, and that was pretty much it.

If they weren't going to acknowledge his mistake, or have him apologize, or anything, I at least would have liked to see him do MORE. Like, maybe have even just one shot of several people attacking Thanos and Starlord being front and center?? Because he kind of owes it to everyone to at least do that??

That brings me to another point. I didn't actually think of this myself; my sister brought it up. But WHY ON EARTH WEREN'T THERE MORE PEOPLE ON THANOS DURING THAT BATTLE? I mean, yeah, I get it, there was an army to fight, too. But you had entire Wakandan army AND literally All The Superheroes. So, there REALLY should have been a Power Group solely focused on Thanos because he's kind of the real problem here. Especially after Captain Marvel showed up and took down the ship. Like I said before, Starlord should have been after Thanos. (Even if not to make up for his mistake, I mean, he's still probably mad about Gamora, right??) HULK SHOULD HAVE BEEN AFTER THANOS. (But for heaven's sakes, let's not rehash THAT missed opportunity.) I know there was a part where Thor, Cap, and Iron Man were all fighting him (which was awesome). I just REALLY feel like they all should have been more focused on taking down the backbone of the operation. *cough*alsowhydidn'tantmanjuststeponhim*cough*

Nowww for the last thing (this one brought to my attention by my brother). This isn't something I didn't like so much as just something I can't help but take notice of now. If you really think about it, bringing everybody back after 5 years would cause a whole big mess in the world.

I heard about the part in Far From Home that shows students returning to their school the same age as they were when Thanos snapped. So, yeah, now half the world is actually five years younger than they should be. So their younger siblings are now older than them... and basically their lives are just super thrown off.

Okay, I guess that could be overlooked, because if you've been dead for 5 years and are suddenly brought back, that's worth the inconvenience of being 5 years too young, right? At least for the family who's been missing you.

But... what about the people who have remarried since losing their spouses in the Snap?

I'm just gonna leave it at that. xD It's a bit of a problem if you pay attention to it. But it doesn't take away from the intentions of our heroes, as I talked about before, because the heart is still there.

Now. On to a point about this whole thing, which will help you understand just why I loved Endgame so much.

None of the other Marvel movies touched me the way Endgame did (except mayyybe Captain America: The First Avenger, and then on a much smaller scale). Why is that?

Because it's in Endgame that it really stood out to me just how much saving the world means to our heroes.

I mentioned the "Some move on, but not us" line earlier. I love that line so much because it really shows us why these heroes are heroes.

Because they can't let go. They can't forget that maybe if they had done something different, things would be different. And they just can't let their worlds go on as if nothing had ever happened, because they know that if there's anyone who can change what happened, it's them. They take the first chance to uproot their own lives (empty as they might be now) and take another shot at saving everyone.
Whatever it takes.

And I don't get the impression that they only want to fix what happened in order to save the people in their lives that they lost. Steve lost Bucky and Sam. Natasha lost Clint-- not to death, but she lost him just the same. Scott lost Hope and her parents. Yet I feel that the core of their passion for going back and changing all of this isn't just for what they lost, but for what the world lost.

After all, remember that line from Cap? Something about "I know it'll work, because I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't."

It's been five years since he lost his friends. He's had five years to adapt to that, and he seems to be doing as well as can be expected. But five years isn't enough to cope with the fact that half the world died and maybe you could have stopped it.

All this rambling is to say that THIS is exactly what I want to see in a superhero. In this movie our heroes showed sacrifice and care and determination, and I loved it so much because that is exactly what a superhero should be. Someone who is painfully passionate about saving as many people as they can and willing to maybe sacrifice themselves for it.

We saw two of our heroes do exactly that in this movie. It was heartbreaking, but it was beautiful and I appreciate it so much.

AND NOW YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT MY FAVORITE PARTS BUT I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.

THE DANCE.

*screams* THE DANCE THE DANCE THE DANCE THE DANCE THE

THEY GOT THEIR DANCE, GUYS. PEGGY AND STEVE GOT THEIR DANCE.

I COULD SCREAM ABOUT THIS FOREVER BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY BUT ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AND BASICALLY IF THERE'S EVER BEEN A TIME THAT I'VE FELT ALL THE FEELS THIS IS IT.

Because THEY GOT THEIR DAAAAAAAANCE.

The end of Captain America KILLS me. It's just so heartbreaking and GAHH I want to cry just thinking about it. And if you've seen Agent Carter, you've been put through even more heartbreak. (I won't say details in case some of you haven't seen it, but that last scene of season 1? The bridge? YEAH UH HUH JUST RIIIIIP MY HEART OUT AND THROW IT IN THE RIVER THANKS.)

I agree with what Sam said; I don't love the idea of a world without a Captain America. But the fact that he got to go back and be with Peggy and THEY GOT THEIR DANCE makes up for it. Because I'm just so happy for them. *crieeeeees* Never in a million years did I think that they would ACTUALLY get to have their dance. And the fact that they got it and got to be together I just... gAAHHH. I literally need to shut up now or I could add eighteen more paragraphs to this too-long post to screech about it. (if you want to join me in the screeching when you're done reading this, I'll be in that room I was in earlier. *walks in* *closes door* *SCREECHES*)

*takes a deep breath*

Whew. Okay, that was a lot. I do deeply apologize for this ridiculously long post except I don't because Endgame deserved it.

In conclusion: Endgame broke me. It ripped my heart out. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. It gave me much the same feeling I get when I finish watching Lord of the Rings and if I've talked about that before, you know I always feel emotionally exhausted, sad it's over, and wish I knew those characters personally.

I really didn't expect Endgame to affect me so much. But it had been months of watching all the Marvel movies leading up to it, and then it was just... over. And I had to say goodbye to all of those characters that I love for good. (I don't plan to keep up with the new things they have coming out, so Endgame was it for me.) My poor little fangirl heart couldn't take it.

As I write this, I'm listening to the soundtrack for, ahem, the seventh time since watching the movie. Yeah... it was kind of all I wanted to listen to for a while. Except I was already an emotional wreck and reliving the music again certainly didn't help. When I first started writing this post right after watching the movie the emotions were still fresh and I kept stopping and tearing up. I'm fine.

Hopefully I said everything I wanted to say in this post... because I had a LOT to say. xD I won't be over Endgame for a long time... if I ever am. It wasn't perfect, but man, did it hit me hard. And it did exactly what I think a good story should: it inspired me to write stories that have the same heart, the same gutwrenching passion, and that makes people feel the way it made me feel.

So, I guess its job is done.

I can't end this post without a big thank you to Nicole who listened to my ridiculously emotional and
dramatic play-by-play and kept me sane with all her emotional support during this movie. I would have gone crazy without someone to fangirl with. xD

IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS POST, YOU DESERVE SHAWARMA. *gives you virtual shawarma* I don't have any discussion questions for you, so I'll just turn you all loose to fangirl with me in the comments. XD