SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS ON GROWTH AND REST + A WRITING UPDATE

Hellooo everyone! It's been a few weeks since I was here and here I am still posting late oops, but I'm BACK, hopefully to stay. 

Sooo, today I really just wanted to ramble a bit about what's been on my mind regarding goals and new years and rest. This post is really just a (super long) mashup of some random thoughts, and maybe they'll benefit someone. Who knows. 

If you're like me, January sees you going full-force at a bunch of new goals you've just made. You're ready to get things done, change some habits, and maybe change your life while you're at it. And there's nothing wrong with that! But here's something you need to remember: 

New years should be about growth, not perfection. 

It's unrealistic to go into a new year thinking you can do a complete 180 and change everything about yourself. It's okay to have goals and want to change things- we see new years as a clean slate, after all, with no mistakes in it yet (to paraphrase Anne Shirley). The desire to make the year perfect while we have the chance is strong and tempting. 

But it's also maddening. 

You want to read your Bible every day without missing, or not hit snooze, or exercise, or eat healthier. And then you miss one day, and it DRIVES. YOU. CRAZY because you wanted to last the whole year and make it a year to remember and now with just ONE MISTAKE it's all ruined. (I keep saying you but I really mean ME)

But you know what? We're human. Perfection is not a part of our makeup. So, this year I'm choosing to remind myself: Focus on this being a year of growth. Make all the ambitious goals, get super motivated, do what you can to improve on whatever you hope to improve on. But allow yourself room to be imperfect, too. Don't let a broken routine within the first month of the year ruin the next twelve months. If our goal is perfection, we're only going to be disappointed. But if we choose to focus on growth instead, and make the decision to work on that, we'll see improvement and be happier with it. 

We want to make so. much. progress every new year. But maybe we're just not meant to grow that fast. Some people move more slowly. If December sees you only slightly more improved than you were in January, that's okay. Because growth is growth, and perfection is impossible. 

NOW. While we're on the topic of change and progress and all that good stuff... I had to make a decision I really didn't want to make. (that sounds way more ominous than it actually is.) Like I said, we want to see progress in the new year, and as a writer, of course I'd love to see myself writing thousands of words starting from January 1 and finishing a novel or twelve and submitting dozens of short stories. And maybe, someday, I'll be able to do that. 

I'm in college right now. I'm super grateful to have a pretty chill schedule at the moment, and I've been keeping up with homework like a dream. (this did nooooot happen last semester.) So, naturally, I hoped to get tons of writing time in. I wrote a piece of flash fiction in January and started another. I kept meaning to finish it but just couldn't seem to remember to sit down and do it... even though I was close to being done. (Note that by this time school had started again.) Then, of course, my mindset goes to keep-up-keep-up-work-ahead-on-everything-keep-up-and-maybe-you-can-write-a-bunch-of-stories. And I was getting a bit discouraged thinking I wouldn't be able to write as much as I'd hoped. 

So here's the deal: I'm quitting writing for this semester.

I can't expect myself to do everything. Even though this semester is less demanding than the last one and I feel pretty good about where I am... writing is a commitment, and it doesn't really work for me to find a few hours a week to write sporadically. I'd rather be in a place where I can create a routine and devote a good amount of time to writing at a time. I just can't do that right now. 

And here's another thing: I miss reading. Since September, the only fiction books I've finished are The Fellowship of the Ring and a Melody Carlson Christmas book. I'm about halfway through The Two Towers, and while I'm very much enjoying my trip back through Middle Earth, I decided it was better to put it aside for now and read something new. I have SO many books I haven't read yet, and trying to get through my LOTR reread before tackling any of those was kind of just dragging me down. 

Part of the reason for that was just that I was not making time to read. If I wasn't working and going to school, I would have finished LOTR months ago. But for basically the past six months, I've just not been reading much at all. Last semester I could just feel my creative soul dying little by little. Most of my reading was school-related, I didn't have much time to watch any movies or TV shows, and I barely read any blogs. Then came NaNoWriMo, which was quite successful but probably also drained me more than I realized at the time. 

My month off from school helped a little. I focused more on resting and making plans for the year, so I didn't do a whole lot of reading then, either, which I didn't really mind. But my creativity needs a boost, because it hasn't really been properly fed for months. And trying to add writing to the mix just isn't feasible right now. I was trying to force ideas into my head, and that's never really a great idea. 

This doesn't mean that I'm banning myself from writing at all. Obviously, I'll still be blogging. If I have a brilliant idea for a short story, I'm not going to waste it. And I still 100% plan to do Camp NaNoWriMo in April- which is part of the reason I want to take a writing break now, so I won't wear myself down and burn out by April. But overall, I think it's time for me take an intentional step back and just let myself breathe for a while. Take creativity as it comes instead of trying to force it. Recharge that creativity by reading more books again, and taking the time to watch some more TV. (which might sound kind of bad, but I hardly watch TV and there are some movies and things I'd really like to watch.) 

Truthfully, I hate the idea of taking a break. Of being a creator who's not creating, while I watch other creators pump things out like crazy. It makes me feel behind. 

Here's where I remind you (and myself) of something we always need to hear: JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT CREATING AT THE SAME RATE AS EVERYBODY ELSE DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE BEHIND. It doesn't mean you're less creative or less capable of writing great stories. It doesn't mean your time is wasting away and you're throwing away your chances of being a success. It just means it's not your time right now. 

Nadine Brandes has said that when she was in college, she hardly wrote at all. And that might seem bad for a writer, but just because you're not writing doesn't mean you're not growing as a writer. When she graduated and started writing again, her writing was stronger because she herself had grown and gained life experience. Just because you're not writing doesn't mean you can't be growing as a writer.

I didn't really want to hear that at the time, because I hadn't started college yet and was dreading the idea of having to step away from writing. But that's where I am right now, and I'm allowing myself to be okay with it.

That being said... I'm still planning on working on one of my WIPs. Roots to Claim still needs its second draft finished, which I put aside to do NaNoWriMo last year. And I'm excited to get back to it, because I love my boys and I was really enjoying going back through the story last year. I think editing and rewriting will take a lot less out of me than trying to create new stories; plus, it's easier for me to do a little editing a time and have to set it aside when I need to, than to do that with first drafts. 

Aaaand that's my very rambly, very long and probably incoherent post of thoughts and plans. Goodness, I'm sorry I went on so long. xD But I want to encourage you all to let yourself rest when you need to. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and reach all your goals- just work on growing. And writers, if you find yourself in a season of life where writing has to take a backseat... you're not failing. The time to write will come back, and you might just find yourself even more ready to write when it does. 

I do hope you're all having a lovely February! I'll see you next week!

Have you ever had to take a break from writing? Did it benefit you in any way? And what are you reading right now? (I'm reading Brand of Light by Ronie Kendig, which is outside of my normal genre, but I'm enjoying it so far!)