HOW TO WIN YOUR BELOVED (a Very Serious List)

Happy Valentine's Day, guys!! Of course, it's not until tomorrow, but it's never too early to start celebrating, right? Spread the love and all that. 

Of course, it seems every year there's always some sort of talk about being single on Valentine's Day. (I personally say the less chocolate I have to share, the better.) But HAVE NO FEAR, because if you don't want to be single this February the 14th, I'm about to give you ALL THE TIPS YOU'LL EVER NEED for winning your beloved! (Of course, if you're wanting to win him by Valentine's Day... you're going to have to work pretty quickly. But you can do it. I believe in you.)

Well, we have no time to waste. On to the tips! (You can thank me later.)

HOW TO WIN YOUR BELOVED (a Very Serious List)

Make him stew.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? And I'm sure you're a very good cook, so absolutely nothing could go wrong. Make that stew, girl. Make it extra chunky. 

Make him your servant and require strict obedience.

Ask him to hand you stuff that's literally right in front of your face. Trust me, it's super charming and will make him absolutely SWOON. (Bonus: Push him down a hill at some point.)

Pursue a younger man.

Like... much younger. He'll think you're an angel and marry you when he's old enough. just for heaven's sakes don't let anybody tell him about darth plagueis

Steal his precious jewels. 

Like, believe me. You'll have him LITERALLY chasing after you. All the time. he might get kinda clingy though so beware of that 

Offer to overlook his criminal record in exchange for a road trip.

It'll make him fall madly in love with you and possibly sing to you. Heck, he might even give you a free haircut!

Lend him your horn.

He might need to call you again. 

If he dies putting a WWII plane in the water, WAIT. 

Don't marry someone else. Chances are he'll eventually travel back in time to be with you, and you don't want to be involved with some other guy when he does. (Trust me. DON'T. MISS. THE DANCE.)

And there you have it. I would suggest using at least three of these at a time to increase your chances... but for best results, absolutely put all of these into practice if you can. (Hey, you might even have a whole bunch of contenders lining up at your doorstep to be your Valentine's date! Then you can have your pick. If one of them is Steve Rogers, though... send him my way, please.)

If any of these tips work for you, let me know so I can congratulate you! All I ask in return for helping you win your true love is an invitation to your wedding. (You'll have me as the guest of honor, right?)

All right, guys. I hope you enjoyed this Very Serious List of ways to win your true love. xD Hey, maybe they all don't have a perfect track record, but... they mostly worked, right?? Besides, we don't do normal flirting around here. Nope, if we're shooting our shot, we're going all in. (if you get arrested for stealing someone's jewels, though... hey, don't blame me. it was just a suggestion.)

In all seriousness, I hope you all have a lovely Valentine's Day! No matter who you're spending it with, let it be a day to show your loved ones how much you care about them (and maybe eat some extra chocolate ;)). I'll be spending my Valentine's Day with my family, and topping it off with a sister movie night (complete with PIZZA!! and ICE CREAM!!). 

Have a great rest of your weekend, friends! ♥

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Any tips to add to the list? ;D