AT ALL COSTS // published today in HAVOK!!

Happy Thursday, everyone! I don't have a full post for you today (though I hope to get an October recap up soon), but I DO have something exciting to share with you: 

My story, At All Costs, is available on Havok today!! 

If you're not familiar with how it works: the story will be available for free today only. After that, you'll have to subscribe to Havok's website to gain access to alllll the stories in their archive. (which, I mean, you need to do anyway because it literally costs a few dollars a year and you'll have hundreds of fabulous stories to choose from! definitely worth it) So, hop over to the website HERE and read At All Costs before it goes away! 

Also, while you're there, make sure you leave a comment! Every comment increases the chances of my story being included in a future Havok anthology, so if you enjoyed it I'd totally love it if you leave even just a short comment letting me know. :) If you don't have an account, the website will give you a weird message saying it wasn't able to post your comment or something like that- but have no fear, it's probably fine. It's just a glitch, and your comment should show up anyway! (If you REALLY enjoy the story, you can also leave a rating! I THINK you have to be subscribed to do this, even on the free day? But I guess you'll find out when you click on the star. xD)

I'm SO excited to share this Thriller Thursday story with you, and I hope you guys love it! Happy reading! *gives you chocolate and lovingly shoves you toward the Havok website*

KNOW THE NOVEL 2021 PART 1 // LOOK FOR THE FLARES

IT IS TIME. *cue celebratory music* 

You GUYS. NaNoWriMo is just a little over a week away. (hang on gotta go panic for a second) I have a new project I'm wildly excited about, and today I'm sharing it with you!!

I always love taking part in Christine's yearly writers linkup, Know the Novel! Not only is it a ton of fun, and a great way to tell y'all what I'm going to be writing this November, but it also helps me learn more about my story. (seriously, before I started working on this post I was about 50% more in the dark about this thing. xD)

SO. A quick rundown: this year's project is LOOK FOR THE FLARES, an adult science fiction story set on the planet Myrandis. (the title isn't 100% set in stone... but I do kind of love it.) This is a pretty new idea, and kind of came to me out of the blue one day. But the more I think about it, the more I'm obssessed with it, and... yeah. Needless to say, I'm super pumped for November.

BUT that's enough of that- allow me to actually tell you about the story!! (all photos are from Pinterest!)

1. What first sparked the idea for this novel?

I was at work one day and this random thought popped into my head (which I can't share because #spoilers), and I thought... whoa. I love that. I want to write that. I don't remember if I got the idea for any reason, or if it was just a random writer lightbulb xD but it started growing from there until it was an idea that I was totally in love with.

I was also able to tie in a thread of an idea that I'd had for a few years- one day I thought, wouldn't it be cool to write about a man who goes to slave auctions and buys all the slaves just so he can free them? Well, it's changed a bit and isn't quite so ambitious anymore, but that idea fit right into this story! 

2. Share a blurb (or just an overall summary)!

As a child, Kalar Raynes watched slave traders steal his newborn brother and murder his parents. Now, thirty years later, Kalar has never stopped looking for his brother. When he takes a job to eliminate the infamous leader of a human trafficking ring, he hopes to find answers that will lead him to the one family member he has left- if he's still alive.

Adley Barron feels indebted to her husband for rescuing her from slavery when she was a teenager. The trouble is, his occupation, which she's a reluctant partner in, is none other than slave trading itself. One day amidst a drastic attempt to appease her guilt, she's mistaken for one of her husband's victims and whisked away to safety- for now.

Okay, obviously the plot and everything are still a work in progress, but I think I rather like this attempt. xD

3. Where does the story take place? What are some of your favorite aspects about the setting?

There's still a lot of world-building to be done here. Sci-fi is challenging for me, because I think it's harder to create a unique world. (because, y'know, you can't just throw in a weird magic system or wacky creature like you could with fantasy.) But I CAN tell you that this story takes place on the planet Myrandis, where slavery and human trafficking are big problems but also somewhat socially accepted. So, yeah. Not a great place. XD

Aaand considering what I said about still needing to do a lot of world-building... I don't really have any favorite aspects about Myrandis yet. But I look forward to learning more about it!

4. Tell us about your protagonist(s).

Kalar lost everything as a child, when he narrowly escaped being thrown into slavery. Since then his sole focus has been to find his baby brother who he hopes is still out there somewhere. 

He's also an assassin. *crowd gasps* He gets paid exceptionally well to *ahem* eliminate people, and though it's a job his mother probably wouldn't have approved of, it provides him with enough money to travel Myrandis searching for his brother. Hey, don't worry, though- he only accepts jobs to take out evil people. 

Then there's Adley. Coming from a background of slavery herself, her loyalty to her husband and her deep contempt for his line of work keep her in constant turmoil. She desperately wishes she could put a stop to trafficking instead of helping run it, but she can at least show kindness in the dark lives of the victims her husband harbors. 

5. Who (or what) is the antagonist?

The great thing about doing this linkup is that it makes me ask myself questions about my project that I haven't even thought about yet. XD Overall, slavery/human trafficking is somewhat of an antagonist itself in this story, I suppose. I'm sifting through ideas about who the villain could be, but since I'm very much not sure yet, I'm not going to share it yet. oooh, mysterious

6. What excites you the most about this novel?

First off, I don't usually write sci-fi. I have only one other project that's straight-up sci-fi, and I haven't worked on it in years, so this is going to be pretty different for me! 

Also, Kalar. I don't know, guys, but I'm just so excited to write this character already. I think he's going to be awesome. And also Adley, poor precious broken Adley who I already want to give a hug. 

I'm also super excited to write some stuff that comes later in the book, which I cannot reveal to you.... muahahaha. *evil laughter*

7. Is this going to be a series? standalone? something else?

As of right now, a standalone! Unless it turns out to be too big to tackle in one book... but that remains to be discovered. *nervous laughter* 

8. Are you plotting? pantsing? plansting?

Plotting? Who is she?

Nah, y'all know I'm a pantser. XD I go into every NaNo not knowing what's going to happen beyond the first few chapters, and maybe a bit of the climax. My version of plotting is stopping in the middle of the story and taking some time to figure out what needs to happen next before I proceed.

HOWEVER, I kind of would like to be a bit more prepared this time around. I already feel like I have a slightly better handle on this story than I have previous ones, but I'm also a master at getting stuck, so I might try to even outline a little bit. *crowd gasps again* Will the outline probably go out the window? I mean, yeah. But still. XD

9. Name a few unique elements about this story.

The fact that there's no romance and one of the characters is married is pretty unique, I think. It's not unique to my own writing, since I rarely write romance of any kind, but anytime you find a book with no romance, it's kind of unexpected, right?

I'm also writing a morally gray protagonist for the first time. help I didn't plan this, but literally while I was writing this blog post I stopped and thought... this is morally gray, isn't it?? I think so?? It's not something that I'm super familiar with but it's fine. xD 

Other than that... like I said, I'm still working on worldbuilding and all that good stuff. So, sharing about more of the uniqueness will have to come later. xD

Oh, and one more detail that makes this story different from my other NaNo projects... I kind of already started it?? Back a few months ago when I first got the idea, I wrote the first scene, because it was fresh and burning in my mind and I just had to write it before I lost it. So. That's that. xD

10. Share some fun “extras” of the story (a song or full playlist, some aesthetics, a collage, a Pinterest board, a map you’ve made, a special theme you’re going to incorporate, ANYTHING you want to share!).

THIS PINTEREST BOARD IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES I THINK. I PRESENT IT TO YOU.

full board HERE

Also, I'm thinking the theme song of this story is Flares by The Script. I haven't put together a whole playlist yet (shocker), but I think this song is perfect. < 3 And yes, it was the inspiration behind the title. Full disclosure, I came up with the title and kind of started shaping the story around it a little bit. xD But I think it's actually working really well??? And GAH I'm just so excited to write this thing!!

And there you go- everything you need to know about my 2021 NaNoWriMo project! (certainly everything I know, minus the spoilers XD) I've already said it many times, I think, but I'm sooo ready to jump into this thing on November 1!! I requested a short work day so you can bet I'll be attacking draft 1 of Look for the Flares full-force! (actually, you could probably safely bet that I'll irresponsibly stay up til midnight the night before to start writing. so what if I have work the next day. #crazythingswriterssayduringnano)

Before I go, I have a quick announcement: I have a new story coming out with Havok!! At All Costs publishes in two weeks, on November 4th, so keep your eyes peeled! I'm so excited for you all to read it!

All right, SHOW OF HANDS! Who's doing NaNoWriMo? Tell me something about your project! And this is random, but what's the weather like where you live? It's been somewhat of a warm fall here so far, but today is delightfully chilly and I am just the happiest camper. 

A REVIEW OF THIRD WINTER'S WAR BY M.L. LITTLE

Hello everyone!! Um... we're just gonna ignore the fact that it's been a month of postless days since I made that dramatic return from an accidental hiatus. Yeah. That didn't happen. (but seriously y'all I don't know why I have so much trouble returning to regular posting now I'm literally a terrible blogger)

Today I'm FINALLY reviewing Third Winter's War by M.L. Little- the final book in the Seventh Realm trilogy!! I reviewed books one and two already, so go check those reviews out if you haven't already. Aaaand... go read the books if you haven't yet! 

This review is spoiler-free and you're technically safe to read it even if you haven't read the first two... however, if you haven't read them yet, go do that right now!! If you do want to skip the review, just jump to the bottom of the post so we can chat!

(WARNING: Emily's book reviews are quite unorganized and really just a word dump of all her thoughts on the book she is reviewing. Please excuse her.)

(also I came back to the document that I started writing this review in so I could finish it... and it was all gone :)) :)) fun times)

The king is dead. Glennerdells has burned.

The survivors sail across the sea to Bellica to face the enemy–Rex Bellum, who uses elements as weapons and snaps minds to his will.

Gideon Black, the rightful king of Glennerdells, suffers under the mind control, forced to work as Bellum’s puppet until it drove him mad. But Elowyn believes that the words of a forgotten prophecy refer to him–and can bring him back.

Nations clash and fate rests in the hands of the boy who started it all in the epic conclusion to the Seventh Realm Trilogy.

SO. Let me just start by saying that from the beginning of this book, there's no shortage of intensity. Or pain. Or suffering. (doesn't that make you want to read it already? because it would make me want to read it. the sad part is I'm not even joking) Just like the first two books, I was drawn into the story from the start. (The setting, the atmosphere of these books? GOLD. More on that later.)

It doesn't get any less intense as it goes on, either. This book is about war (hence the title, of course), and seriously... get ready for a lot of emotions AND action, because it is a WHIRLWIND. In the best way. 

In this book, we get a lot more POV shifts than in the first two. This was so fun, because in addition to Gabriel and Elowyn (which I think was basically it in book 2), we get a lot of time with Hollis and REN- and of COURSE we needed more Ren! I will say that while I loved getting in all these characters' heads (especially Ren), I rather missed Gabriel. He was the one we started out the journey with, and though I know it was necessary to spend more time with other characters in this story, I did miss having more of Gabriel's POV. 

Now, on the topic of the characters... my goodness. These books have some of my favorite characters ever, seriously. First of all, the SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS. GAHHH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I LOVE THIS FAMILY SO MUCH. They're just the cutest, break-your-heart-loyal bunch of siblings and I probably won't ever get over it. Their selfless love for each other is just inspiring, and I just love everything about them. 

Second- the characters in these books are so REAL. Writing kids can be difficult- it's easy to make them seem too young, too old, or just too unrealistic. But my goodness, M. L. Little just writes the most believable people, children included. Their actions, their dialogue- it just adds to the characters' lovability so much more. 

You really see so much of the characters' HEART in this book. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. Everyone wants to protect everyone else. Everyone wants to help. Everyone knows they're probably going to die. They keep fighting and protecting anyway. They don't give up, not once, not if they know someone else's life is on the line. (shoutout to my girl Ren, who goes through SO MUCH trying to protect her brothers and just... *weeps*)

One random thing: if you've read the previous book, you'll remember that thing that Gabriel and Elowyn did. You know, that plan they came up with that was absolutely one of the best parts of the book and just had me DYING? It was sadly only mentioned once in Third Winter's War. Granted, the part where it was mentioned was one of the best moments/lines of the whole book. XD But still. I would have loved to see it played with a lot more. BUT this book was also a lot more serious, so I understand that it just may not have really fit into the story this time around.

ALSO, two characters we got a whole lot more of in this book: DARIUS AND DALE. YES PLEASE. I love the Draven dad and older brother so much!! Darius is probably one of my favorite fictional dads ever. He's just fantastic. And I absolutely loved having Dale more present and doing things with the rest of his siblings. It was totally a highlight of the book.

Remember how I mentioned earlier how much I love the setting? Because I LOVE THE SETTING. I've talked in my previous reviews about how much I love the unique world- where there's magic and strange creatures and everything in between, but also cars and planes and refrigerators and super normal things that we're familiar with in our world. It's really like no other storyworld I've ever seen before, and I love that. 

And then there's also the eeriness that I mentioned before. I LOVE a story that's good and eerie- it doesn't have to be a thriller, or even remotely scary, but if it's got that mysterious, eerie vibe? GIVE IT TO ME NOW. I can't tell you much I love when a book has a good shiver-y element, and this series has had it from book one. With the mysterious talk of Rex Bellum and magic and all that good stuff, it was just delightfully eerie, and book 3 really carried that on. Especially since it took place in the cold and snow- of COURSE that made it even eerier. 

I would like to file a complaint, however, about the devastating lack of nullians in this book.

Now- the ending. The ending was perfect. It was hopeful, and bittersweet, and painful. It was just about everything I want in an ending. The last line gives me shivers and makes me want to go right back to the beginning and read the adventure all over again. (which I will definitely be doing at some point.) 

These books are amazing. They'll make you laugh, and cry, and cheer, and they'll draw you in and make you feel a part of the wonderful world they take place in. The characters will make you fall in love and never want to leave their side. If you love fantasy, unique storyworlds, and sibling stories, you ABSOLUTELY need to read this series. I mean, if you're reading this review chances are you've already at least started the series... but let this be your sign to obnoxiously shove it in everyone you know's face and tell them they need to read it right now. 

Also, at the end of this book you'll find the greatest author bio to ever exist. if you know you know.

And there it is- my rambly review of Third Winter's War and my final review for a Seventh Realms book. *sniffle* I'm seriously so sad to leave these stories and characters behind. But that's the mark of a great book- if it leaves an impact and makes you emotional to say goodbye to, it did its job. 

Hopefully I'll be able to actually POST here from now on. xD I just really got out of the habit of preparing a post every week, but I really want to get back to regular posting again- whether that be weekly or biweekly- so bear with me. And actually, there will only be a few more regular posts (if I manage to actually post XD) before... *drumroll please* NANOWRIMO UPDATES BEGIN!! Um... yeah. NANOWRIMO IS ALMOST HERE, YOU GUYS. It just seriously blows my mind how quickly this thing creeps up on us. The last couple of years I've found myself in June/Julyish (maybe even earlier) thinking about NaNo and how I can't wait to do it again... then I blink and OH LOOK IT'S HERE NOW. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but oh well. xD

Anyway, I hope you all are having a lovely week and an even lovelier autumn, and I'll see you next time! < 3

Have you read the Seventh Realm trilogy? Are you picky about finales, like me? And who's doing NaNoWriMo??

I WENT ON AN ACCIDENTAL HIATUS BUT NOW I'M BACK // oops

Well... hey, guys. 

It seems my entire existence here anymore is just returning from hiatuses I may or may not have meant to take. XD

It honestly feels really weird that I haven't blogged consistently in so long- since probably June? Certainly since before Realm Makers. Which, I meant to take a little bit of a break around that time to get ready for RM and just enjoy it (which I absolutely did, but you already knew that). But then as soon as I got home I got sick, and that paired with the overall trying-to-recover-from-a-writers-conference thing totally wiped me out. I don't think I've EVER slept as much as I did the three or four days following RM. 

Aaand after that I just kind of never got back into the groove of blogging. I totally meant to, I just didn't. xD But honestly? I kind of don't regret it. I've definitely missed being here and talking to you guys, but at the same time, not having to worry about getting a blog post ready allowed me to have a really chill rest of my summer. I was kind of dreading going back to school, simply for the reason of not having as much free time. So, I was soaking up every bit I could, and it was honestly fantastic. I wrote some, spent time with family, read some great books...speaking of which, here are the books I've read recently! (I'm actually making PROGRESS on my TBR!! WHAT IS THIS FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT)

-This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti // I can't remember if I ever really talked about this book here, but it was such an excellent reminder of the spiritual battle that we're fighting every day, and how truly powerful prayer is!

-Warriors Against the Storm anthology // You guys, this is SUCH a good anthology. I've read several Havok anthologies and of course they're all great and contain some amazing stories, but THIS anthology... it's just so special. I loved every story and I can just feel the heart and the work that all the amazing authors put into it and just AHHH. So good. If you haven't read it yet I highly recommend it!

-Winter (The Lunar Chronicles #4) // I FIIIINALLY read this one, and GUYS. This series is SO. GOOD. I guess I'd forgotten just how good it is and how much I love all the characters because it's been so long since I read book 3, but man. This was an incredible finale, and now I desperately need TLC turned into movies.

-Dancing Realms series by Sharon Hinck // I read the first book a while back, but I finished the trilogy up recently, and it is such a beautiful, beautiful story! What a stunning world, and an important theme of trusting God with our lives. 

-Shadow by Kara Swanson // I got to read an ARC of this one and WHEW. It was such an excellent closing to the duology. My only complaint is that there are only two books in the series!

-Sand Castle Dreams by Taylor Bennett // I read Porch Swing Girl a while back, so it was high time I read book 2. And I think I forget sometimes how much I enjoy reading a good contemporary! I especially love the dreamy Hawaii atmosphere, and the rawness of Olive's struggles and growth.

-The Peasant's Dream by Melanie Dickerson // The final book of the Hagenheim series! *weeps* I started reading Melanie's books back in 2013, so it's been a long journey with Hagenheim and the beloved family whose story we've followed all these years. It was bittersweet saying goodbye. < 3

-Third Winter's War by M.L. Little // Umm... yeah. I might not ever recover from this book. Review coming soon. ;)

Currently, I'm reading an ARC of United We Fall by Brooke Riley and it's not running short on pain, folks. 

I'm now finishing up my third week of my third semester of college, and WHEW. I get the feeling this semester is just going to fly by, and I'm totally here for it. xD My classes are all pretty easy so far, and I have two literature classes, so that's fun. And I only have to go to one in-person class a week, which I'm ridiculously happy about. So far my workload has been remarkably manageable, and like I said, I just think the next couple of months are going to feel really short. 

Something else that happened recently that I failed to post about: MY BLOGIVERSARY! On September 1, this blog turned three years old. *proud, happy tears* And there's no big celebration or Q&A video or even a solo anniversary post this year, because I fail at life, but just know that, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate every single one of you and your support means so, so much. < 3 These past several years of finding a place in this community have been full of blessings beyond measure and I can't begin to explain how grateful I am. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Some things I'm planning/hoping to do this coming month or so...

-Submit a short story to an anthology

-Start posting to my YouTube channel again (probably sporadically, but oh well)

-Make major progress on Once Upon (so I can start shifting my focus to planning a new project in October because umMMMMM NANOWRIMO IS LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY)

-Embrace autumn to the ABSOLUTE fullest (YOU GUYS YOU GUYS IT'S SEPTEMBER IT'S ALMOST FALL AND I AM THRIIIIIIVING)

-Start watching Avatar: The Last Airbender again (I started watching it a year ago and got through 7 episodes before I had to stop because I couldn't find the rest of them on YouTube, but now I own the whole series on DVD so !!! I'm excited to get back it!)

Who knows how much of this I'll actually accomplish, because plans made after ten o'clock at night aren't often conquered. XD But I'm excited to try, anyway!

As for blogging: Hopefully I'm back, for good this time. xD I can't promise I won't ever randomly wake up on Thursday morning and realize I didn't plan a post and then give up because by then it's too late anyway. BUT with my schedule being so low-maintenance as of late, I think that if I can just get back in the habit of posting, I'll be able to maintain a somewhat normal blogging schedule again. Maybe that will end up being every other week. Who knows. But we'll see. xD

ANYWAY. I'm so glad to be back, and I'll talk to you guys in the comments! < 3

*offers celebratory return cake* How have you been, guys? Have you watched/read anything good lately? What are your plans for this fall? And who else is morphing into fall-crazy mode like me??? (I'm not kidding, guys, I don't think I'm as fanatic about ANYTHING as I am about fall. xD I literally go crazy this time of year just being so happy about all the fall things.) 

REALM MAKERS 2021

How do you describe something so wildly indescribable? How do you put into words something for which there are no sufficient words to be found? 

It's currently Sunday, July 18th. I just got home from Realm Makers a couple of hours ago. My body wants to sleep but my mind won't rest, and my heart wants to go back and revisit everything that happened this past weekend. This is probably the earliest anyone has ever written a RM recap post, but I just have to do it now, while the emotions are still fresh. 

Realm Makers was amazing. 

No amount of rambling could ever capture the wonder and magic that I experienced this past weekend, but perhaps this post can come close. Read on to hear about my time at Realm Makers 2021, complete with pictures and random, out-of-context quotes. < 3

(fyi, not all of this post or even that intro was written on July 18, but I did start it then)

(prepare for the monster of all monster posts guys I'm so sorry)

Thursday

I live just about an hour and a half away from where Realm Makers was held in St. Louis this year, so we (my brother, sister, and I) didn't have to leave until Thursday morning. It was an easy trip and honestly felt pretty short. I had planned to listen to music (like the RM playlist I had made a day or two earlier), but ended up being so buzzed and excited that I never even thought about it. 

It was the most surreal, exciting feeling pulling up to the Westport Sheraton Chalet, the hotel hosting RM. I'd seen so many pictures from past recap posts, and how everyone always said how beautiful the hotel was, and they were all right! The building itself is so rustic and gorgeous, and the area surrounding it with all the little restaurants made me feel as if I were in a castle courtyard. Quite magical (and the PERFECT atmosphere for a speculative fiction writers conference!). 

Me and my sister with the hotel in the background!

As soon as I walked in I saw Katie Williams, who I follow on Instagram. That was the moment I feel like people always talk about with RM- when you realize, whoa, we're here, in person. These people I've only seen through a screen are actually in the same building with me. 

There were a few minutes of what am I doing here I am an introvert at the start. There were so many people, and I didn't see anyone I really knew yet, and I was just thinking this is going to be awful. I'm going to die inside. But those feelings didn't last long. 

We got our nametags and put stickers on them, which is such a fun little RM thing. You put one sticker on telling how many years you've attended a RM (newbie here hehe), and a different sticker for every genre you write in. I had quite a few. xD Technically I don't think I've actually ever written epic fantasy (dragon sticker), but I took it before I realized there was a guide for what the stickers meant. Oops. (The other stickers are for sci-fi, paranormal, light fantasy, and fairy tales!)

We went to the pre-conference workshop by Michael Anderle, and when I walked in I saw the first person I actually knew- Savannah!! I was too awkward to say hi, though, so I just took my seat and wondered how on earth I was going to socialize this weekend. xD We did eventually see each other and hug and I'm pretty sure I stepped on her foot. (very first Internet friend I meet at RM and I stepped on her foot. oops. sorry, Savannah.) 

"What font should you launch a book in?"

"Comic Sans!!"

"Who has that squirrel mentality: that'd be fun to write, that'd be fun to write- why aren't all of your hands up?!"

"Do you enjoy the amount of hairs on your head at this moment?"

"Ream Makers, assemble!" (this was said as everyone was coming back from a short break, and I just remember getting chills and thinking, whoa. This is it. This is the amazing, geeky Realm Makers community I've always heard about. I'm home.)

I ended up skipping out on what little was left of the workshop after the lunch break, and my siblings and I got settled into our room. A little later we went down to check out the vendor hall, and when I walked in and looked around, I saw Nicole standing in a corner with some other people. 

Cue freakout. 

Cue Nicole tackling me with possibly the best hug of my life that nearly knocked me over. 

Sadly we didn't take any pictures of this moment, but let me tell you it was amazing. I've done so much fangirling with this girl, so much wailing over fictional characters, and meeting her was one of the things I was most excited about this conference. SO glad we got to be there together. < 3 (After I calmed down a bit I realized that the people we were standing by were Hanna, who I don't know very well but is super nice, and Julian and Sarah. Hey, guys. xD)

Shortly after we went in for the opening keynote with Frank Peretti, and let me tell you that he had the whole room laughing almost the entire time. But his talk was such a good reminder to trust God and let Him guide you to where you need to be in His timing, and really set the mood for the rest of the weekend. 

"I guess now I'm coming here to talk to you as an Obi-Wan Kenobi, or something."

"You can turn it over and read about how your fines are overdue."(talking about how he wrote the original manuscript of This Present Darkness on the back of scrap papers at his job)

Frank Peretti!

Oh, and while we were sitting there Nicole pulled out ALL THREE of the anthologies I'm in and asked me to sign them. *tears* And that was the first time I signed anything all conference. In fact... I think that was the first time I've signed anything for someone other than a family member. (and let me tell you, the messages I wrote in each one were so clever and heartfelt. *this is sarcasm I literally had no idea what to write so I put something super lame*)

I think it was after that that I came back out into the vendor hall... and started seeing authors I recognized. Like... Nadine Brandes. *muffled screaming* And Sara Ella. And Ashley Townsend. And Mary Weber. (you guys, Mary Weber was there!!! she wasn't going to be but then made it in last minute!) Again, I was too shy to say hi, so I just kind of watched them from afar like a creeper. xD It was so fun seeing these ladies together. (I witnessed the moment when Kara Swanson first ran up to Nadine and tackled her in a hug, so that was great.) 

We actually missed the new-attendee orientation, because we decided to go to Fuzzy's for dinner. (aka, something I was very much looking forward to xD) Um... yeah, big mistake. The place was PACKED. Like, almost shoulder-to-shoulder crowded. The food was worth it, honestly, once we finally got it, but lesson learned: don't go to Fuzzy's during RM if you're in a hurry. xD

That night was one of the events I was the most excited about- Kara Swanson's launch party for Shadow!! I'm just SO happy this happened, because I had been thinking a little while before the conference that since Shadow released the same week, there should be a launch party there to celebrate. I'm glad they read my mind. ;)

Shadow release party!!

There weren't a ton of people there, so we all got to sit pretty close to the front, which is good because there may have been candy-throwing involved. XD Nadine Brandes and Sara Ella were special guests, and you could tell they just had so much fun together. 

When it ended, I debated way too long on whether or not I should take that time to go up and meet the authors and get some books signed. (I was lugging around a decent-sized duffel bag packed with books. not a good idea, but necessary. XD) I spent about 6 years standing there gathering up the nerve to do it, then finally got in the line going up across the front of the room. (and while in line I met Cassie!! < 3)

I spent remarkably little time preparing what I was going to say once I got up there (and Nadine was the closest- aka, only my favorite author who I've been dreaming of meeting forever), and then- OOPS NOW IT'S MY TURN AND I'M WALKING UP TO NADINE BRANDES WITH NO WORDS PLANNED. (I'm one of those people who has to rehearse my restaurant orders, guys) But I said hi and handed her A Time to Die and she looked at my nametag and smiled and said, "I know you!!" And I said, "I know you, too!!!" And we both laughed and there we go. Ice broken. And since the ice was broken, I went ahead and pulled out the other two Out of Time books for her to sign (because, oh hey, talking to people isn't as terrifying as I always think *mind blown*). I also took that opportunity to tell her how much Parvin means to me and how much I relate to her. < 3 

Next I had Kara Swanson sign Dust and Shadow (can we just appreciate Kara's gorgeous jacket??). 

I unfortunately had not thought to bring Coral down with me, so I didn't get to talk to Sara Ella that night. But I had brought my copy of the Rising Shadows trilogy with me, and spent about another 8 years trying to work up the nerve to go up to Ashley Townsend and have her sign them. (being the awkward bean that I am, I didn't want to go up to someone while they were talking to someone else, and I was terrified that I would say hi to someone I knew online only for them to not recognize me, and... yeah. don't be like me, guys. xD) Finally, I made my way up there, and she immediately hugged me and we sat on the floor together while she signed my books and just chatted for a while. Ashley's just the kind of person you can't help but smile around. < 3

Finally, at I think close to eleven o'clock (we Realmies party hard, y'all), my sister and I went up to our room. I was on such a high after such a fantastic day. (I was literally just sitting in a chair smiling at one point and my brother laughed and said, "Just thinking about what a wonderful day you had?" and I was like "Yeah, pretty much." XD)

I literally could not have asked for a better first day. I could hardly believe it was just the beginning of the weekend.

Friday

I woke up before my alarm went off because I was just too pumped to sleep, I guess. xD At the morning announcements, we witnessed a very interesting skit involving Andrew Winch (editor of Havok Publishing) using a pen as a blaster in defense against SD Grimm. XD And I'll just leave it at that. (PEW-PEW-PEW!!)

Our first session was Allen Arnold's Creative Lightning (the first part of our continuing session), and his classes were so encouraging! I took pages and pages of notes- there was just so much good stuff to glean from his words. I love how he talks about creators working together WITH God, and how God loves creativity.

Next was my first class with Nadine Brandes (because of COURSE I signed up for every one of hers): "How to Pitch Your Book Without Sounding Like a Robot." I didn't pitch anything at RM, but I enjoyed learning from Nadine's experience on the matter. 

We went to Fuzzy's again for lunch (ordered online this time, muahaha xD so we didn't have to wait nearly as long), and this was time #1 that day that I stuffed myself with food right before I was nervous about something. (I'm smart, guys. Super smart.) More on that later. xD

mmmm

After lunch was Nadine's second class, "The Story Behind Your Story". This was possibly one of my favorites. She talked about how simply living makes you a better storyteller, and how your life can help you strengthen your writing and draw people in. I'm still a little bit in awe at how she opened the class up- with a story about a house she used to live in that had a room strictly off-limits to the kids. One day she found the key and sneaked in and found the room full of old books, and that was where she discovered Lord of the Rings and all kinds of other fantastic stories. After she told that story she pointed out that because she lived it, she was able to express the emotions and suspense that she experienced, and make us feel them too, rather than just saying "there was a locked room and when I went all I found was a bunch of old books." And I just sat there like... huh. She's right. xD 

Okay, sooo up next was the Thing that I was nervous about and unwisely full of tacos for. xD Months ago, I had scheduled a critique appointment with Andrew Winch. (I mentioned it a while back- I chose to send in the first ten pages of Once Upon, Trentley and Jynnia's story!) I was looking forward to it, but also inexplicably nervous. No, it wasn't a pitch, so there was no reason to be nervous, really. But conversation is not my strong point (particularly with new people), and I was terrified of running out of things to talk about in our thirty-minute session and things getting awkward. (I know. It's dumb. xD) I had received the critiqued pages back weeks ago, so in my mind, what were we going to talk about if I already knew what he had to say?? If he asked me any questions, what would I do if I didn't have any?? (I'm 100% the person who will say I have no more questions even if I have fifteen.)

ANYWAY. We ended up getting out of that last session a little early, which was good because it gave me a little more time to collect myself and be slightly less panicked for my meeting. (I said slightly.) I waited until almost the last minute (always a great plan) and finally went down to the meeting room. 

You guys, the people at RM are awesome. I walked in and Andrew greeted me and I sat down and just like that, I knew I was going to be fine. He was so nice and easy to talk to and though I started out a little uncertainly, it didn't take long to get into a good conversation, and some more questions I hadn't thought of before just naturally came up. He gave me some great feedback on my story, which answered some questions I had been having, and YOU GUYS. He seemed like he really genuinely enjoyed my story. So proud of my babies Trentley and Jynnia. *weeps* 

I had him sign the Warriors Against the Storm anthology, which he edited; and then I left with a smile on my face. So relieved to have the appointment over and so happy with the talk we'd had!

After that was the second Creative Lightning session, and then it was time to get ready for... *drumroll* THE AWARDS BANQUET. AKA, that one event that I feel everyone would come to RM for even if that was the only thing that happened all weekend. 

AND NOW FOR THE COSTUME REVEAL. (even though some of you have probably already seen it on Instagram) I went to the costume banquet as... 

PEGGY CARTER! 

I'd been planning this for months (once I finally nailed down what I wanted to do- I had like 4 things I was trying to decide between xD), and it was so fun to be Peggy for an evening! (besides the 30-something bobby pins in my hair... #longhairproblems) My sister went as Eowyn, and my brother went as Clark Kent. (he very cleverly turned his RM lanyard around and made the other side into a Daily Planet press pass) 

betcha never thought you'd see Peggy Carter, Eowyn, and Clark Kent take a mirror selfie together now didya

You guys. I've heard about this costume dinner from so many people over the past few years, and MY GOODNESS. Walking downstairs into the middle of everyone was literally like walking into another world. All the different costumes, and all the excitement, and the smiles, and the pictures being taken... it was just incredible. Almost like stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia. It was SO exciting being right there in the middle of everything instead of reading about it on a screen. (Unfortunately we got there a little late, so I didn't get to take very many pictures before we went into the banquet hall and they turned the lights out.)

Ashley as a Ravenclaw Rapunzel

Nicole as a character from Attack on Titan (which I've never seen but she sure looks cool XD)

We sat at a table with Nicole, Hanna, Sarah, and Julian (along with a couple other people I didn't know), which was so fun!! It took a little while for the dinner to start coming out, so I just sat there admiring all the costumes. 

Nicole: "Emily, look, there's a Howl and Sophie."

Me: "Oh, cool. I've never read the book, though, so I don't really know what they look like." 

Nicole: "Yeah, Christine could tell you more about that." XD Christine, your legacy has been successfully formed

Remember earlier when I ate a bunch of food right before something I was nervous about? Well, here's time #2 in one day. xD My story, The Hero of Parker City, was a finalist in the (new!) Flash Fiction category, so the whole time I just sat there full of food and palms sweating and waiting for the winner to be announced and it was just an all around good time. 

My story didn't win (which meant that I DIDN'T have to throw together an acceptance speech in the time it would have taken me to walk up to the stage XD), but I did get a super cool finalist medallion!! And it was worth it just to hear my name being read off with all the other awesome finalists. 

With my finalist pin!

this cheesecake was seriously good

Also, Kara Swanson won two awards for Dust (plus the cover award), which made me so happy! I teared up when they announced Dust as the winner the first time. Dust is a special story and I'm so glad I got to be there to celebrate. < 3

On the way out of the banquet that night, I had to stop the guy who came as Captain America and ask him for a picture. I mean... of COURSE I did. Was Peggy Carter going to let Cap leave without a picture?? 

don't ask me why Peggy Carter brought her purse to battle Hydra

Before everyone left, Nicole, Sarah, Julian, and another lady I don't know got together to play/sing "In Dreams" from Lord of the Rings, and it was BEAUTIFUL. I got it on video, though I was standing behind some people holding the camera up in the air so the quality wasn't the best. But the moment was amazing. (and made me cry when I watched the video again.)

Saturday

the first of only two cups of coffee that I had the whole weekend... who am I?? (and why do I look asleep?)

Saturday came, and cue the sadness, because it was the last official day of the conference. First up was opening announcements (and "#thingsoverheardatrealmmakers, because that's a thing and I love it xD) and a Q&A with Frank Peretti. 

"I'm at Realm Makers, and you're asking me about flying slugs??"

Next was the very last Creative Lightning class. (I definitely want to read all of Allen Arnold's books now!) 

While I was in that session, I realized Mary Weber was in the back of the room. She'd been hanging around here and there, but I hadn't actually met her yet, so as soon as the session was over I took off toward the back (I had no idea when she'd be leaving and I didn't want to miss the chance to talk to her!). 

I had to wait a few minutes while a couple of other people chatted with her, and I felt a little bad because she was obviously getting ready to leave and probably go for lunch. But eventually, we were the only ones left in the room (other than a sound guy xD), and she hugged me and said she recognized my name and was just the sweetest thing. Since I didn't have any of her books with me, I had her sign my copy of Warriors Against the Storm, and we took a picture together. (I was all ready to tell her that I had a story in it, and how happy I was to have been a part of it, but all my words went out the window when she knew who I was and were replaced by incoherence, I think.)

Unfortunately after this, the day slipped downhill a bit, at least for a while. We had signed up for a faculty lunch, and ended up sitting at a table with Michael and Judith Anderle, Lauren Brandenburg, and a few other people. It was nice, and the food was great (I seriously feel like I ate SO much on this trip), but as I sat there I realized I wasn't enjoying myself, and that I really needed to leave. So I ducked out and went back up to our room for a few minutes just to have quiet and be alone. 

I don't know what happened here. Maybe it was my introvert self getting overwhelmed and over-people-d and just desperately needing time away, after being around crowds for several days. Maybe it was an attack from Satan on my happiness, in an attempt to bring me down and ruin the rest of the weekend. I also think it was partly the reality hitting me that the conference was almost over. But whatever it was, I just hung out in the room for a bit, breathed deep, and prayed, until I felt ready to go back down again. 

Then it was time for Nadine's last class, "Writing for the Market vs. Writing for Your Heart". Fantastic, of course, and not exactly what it sounds- she talked about how sometimes, you need to work your way through a project that maybe you're not feeling, in order to get to a project that you're more passionate about; that's how it was for her with Fawkes. 

Millie Florence, Nicole, me, and Savannah in Nadine's class!

"Now she puts toilet paper in my purse."

After that class I went up to Sara Ella and had her sign Coral for me, and got a picture with her. 

Ashley: "I don't know why I need to do the cartoon owl thing every time I take a picture- one! t-two! th-three!!"

Next was Sharon Hinck's "Faith-filled Fantastical Fiction". Very good, and also rather sad because it was the last class. :(

I was feeling a little better by Frank Peretti's closing keynote that night, though by that time I was just starting to feel so TIRED. My sleep deprivation was finally catching up to me, and also sadness that the weekend was coming to an end. 

After the keynote, Lauren Brandenburg closed it out with the official goodbye, and then Scott and Becky Minor got up to say a few words. Can we all just give a big ol' round of applause to this couple?? There have been SO. MANY. PEOPLE blessed by them and their hard work in making this conference happen every year, and I'll never get over how grateful I am for that. I was already getting emotional, and then as we were all walking out the Shire music started playing?? And just?? No, that's not okay?? Who was trying to sabotage my emotions and make me curl up in a puddle and die?? (yes, I know the Shire music is upbeat and cheery- but it makes me so melancholy for some reason and I just want to weep when I hear it xD)

I had planned to go up to my room until the book festival that night, in hopes of taking a little nap. But I ended up getting invited me to go with a small group of Realmies to Panera for dinner, so I did that instead. And I'm SO glad I did. First of all, I hadn't really gotten a chance to hang out with any of the other Realmies more than one or two at a time yet, so I was glad this opportunity came up kind of at the last minute. But also, I think it was just what I needed to bring me out of my glum mood. I went with Savannah, Nicole, Cassie, Hanna, and a couple of other girls I hadn't met yet, and we just talked and laughed and it was the greatest time. Then there was a bit of an anthology-signing session, when Cassie pulled out hers for me to sign, and then Hailey Huntington happened by and passed around her Warriors Against the Storm to be signed. 

Savannah and Hailey accidentally recreating the Spider-man meme XD

seriously guys I ate so much food (but this mediterranean bowl was the bomb)

With Cassie!

me signing a Havok anthology- props to Nicole for sneakily capturing this xD

The final thing that day was the book festival/signing!! AKA, the time when everybody's crowded into the vendor hall buying last-minute books and then flooding into the big room where everyone was signing books. And guys... this was actually the first time I bought anything all weekend. And the ONLY time I bought a book. o_o I wanted to make sure to get Windward Shore so I could have Sharon Hinck sign the whole trilogy for me, and somehow that was the ONLY book I bought. (I'm not sure if this is good or bad. xD) BUT I did buy some super cool Dust/Shadow goodies!! I got a comic tote bag, three candles, and a pin, and I'm very much excited about all of it. xD

And now, have a photo dump of all the pictures I took with people. xD

With Jenna Terese!

With Sarah Rodecker!

H.S.J Williams!

Sharon Hinck!

Lindsay Franklin!

With fellow Warriors Against the Storm author Emily Hayse!

Frank Peretti! He thought it was so funny that I had an ancient hardcover copy of The Door in the Dragon's Throat. XD

I went up to Nadine one last time because I couldn't leave without letting her know how glad I was that I got to meet her. I'm pretty sure I mushed my words together and was terribly awkward, but I got to say goodbye and hug her so it was worth it. 

A little later I found Ashley talking to someone and realized it was Liz Koetsier, someone else I follow on Instagram! It's so fun to get to meet all these faces you've only seen on a screen, even if you don't know them well. 

With Ashley and Liz (stole this from Ashley's IG muahaha)

I got to talk to Ashley for a while after that, which I'm glad for because we ended up missing each other on our way out the next day. One weekend is just too, short guys. And there are so many people I didn't get the chance to talk to much or even get a picture with. #sadness

"You're wired again now? Slap me!" 

Oh, and a big shoutout to my brother for following me around like a pack horse carrying all the books I'd gotten signed so the book bag I was carrying wasn't quite so heavy. XD (I carried SO many books around at RM, guys. My shoulder was so sore.)

I finally got Cassie to sign my anthologies for me later that night (after not having them with me the last couple times I saw her xD)! (We hijacked Jason Joyner's table for a minute, but I don't think he minded. xD) I also made sure to get a picture with Andrew Winch, and I had Elizabeth Lewis and Lisa Godfrees sign my anthologies. (shoutout to every author who was so gracious when I walked up to them with a stack of books for them to sign xD) It was so fun meeting some of the Havok gang!! They're amazing. (I also got to meet Steve Rzasa, who I don't think is with Havok anymore but he helped edit The Hero of Parker City back it was first published!)

With Andrew Winch!

By this time, my sadness had totally moved on. (I mean, other than the natural "it's almost over" sadness".) I was hyped and didn't want to go to bed and had to keep refocusing my attention to getting everything packed up, because we had to check out by noon the next day and the post-conference workshop was at 10. 

Sunday

*deep breath* 

We packed up all our stuff, loaded it into the car, and checked out. We were staying for the post-con workshop, but it was so bittersweet, because I knew the conference was officially over. I saw Savannah on my way in, which ended up being the last time because she was already gone when the post-con was over. (I also stepped on her foot again. Go figure.)

Close to the end of the workshop I started feeling really off (physically this time, not so much mentally). Again, I'm not really sure what it was. Maybe the fact that I'd forgotten to take my medication most of the weekend (which, long story short, keeps me from passing out XD). But I started feeling a little lightheaded and strange, so I stepped out a few minutes early and went out to the lobby to eat something. 

That's when it started to hit, I think, that it was really over. I realized that I'd missed saying goodbye to a couple people. And Nicole was there talking to me and my brother while we waited for the workshop to end (where my sister still was), and I knew it was just a few minutes until I'd have to say goodbye to her, too. 

Finally, it was time, and I hugged Nicole and Cassie and told them goodbye, and I walked out to the car, and I lost it. Between already feeling cruddy and overwhelming sadness sinking in, it wasn't the most pleasant ride home. I cried almost the whole way. Leaving Realm Makers behind was one of the hardest things I've ever done, because Realm Makers was one of the best times I've ever had. It's indescribably hard leaving people you've just spent a whole weekend connecting with, growing to love even more, and not knowing when you'll get to see them again. 

Everything you've heard about Realm Makers is true. It's home. It's where Christian spec-fic writers can find their tribe. It's where you can walk through a room and hear conversations about The Hobbit and writing and everything in between going on all around you. It's where you feel like you belong. It's where you can be weird and fangirl and learn about writing but at the same time, and most importantly, learn how to draw closer to God. 

Realm Makers is an absolutely incredible place, filled with incredible people. I desperately hope and pray that I'll be able to make it back sooner, rather than later. 

To everyone I met at Realm Makers: You're amazing. I miss you. Let's do this again. 

I do want to say something else before I end this leviathan of a post: if you haven't made it to a Realm Makers yet and really want to, don't give up! A couple years ago I almost got to go but it just didn't work out, and I was so sad as I saw all the photos of everyone getting there and having a great time. I was happy for them but also frustrated that I was missing out. (especially when the 2020 location was announced for New Jersey)

Pray. Save money. Even if it's not meant to happen for you this year (or next year, or whenever), that doesn't mean it won't happen. And trust me when I say, the waiting is worth it. < 3 

“How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back?"

I feel very much like a hobbit returned from a grand adventure. It's good to be home, comfortable and safe... but at the same time, I feel like I won't ever be the same. Belonging is hard to come by, and though it may sound dramatic to say so, I've struggled with it most of my life. Now, here I am, back to the daily life that can so easily wear a person down... and I'm longing for the magic I left behind.

I'm so blessed to have this online community, who is so kind, supportive, and always down to fangirl. There are few people in my life who quite get me when it comes to my passion for stories and fictional characters, so being able to hop onto IG or the blogosphere and see others who feel that passion, too, is so important to me. At Realm Makers, I got to have those people around me physically, and there's just no way to describe how amazing that was.

It's a bit discouraging to come back from a place like that into a world where you feel mostly alone as a creator. Support and fellowship are two appreciated, but very different things, and fellowship with other writers is like the food our creative souls need to keep going.

Thanks to Realm Makers, I got to have that in person, if only for a short weekend. Now I'll cling to those connections I can still have online, and to the Ultimate Creator, Who gave me this passion and will always be there for fellowship no matter what. < 3

WHEW. Uh... so sorry for that. This is... quite probably the longest post I'll ever write. xD But RM deserves it, and I hope you guys enjoyed this recap! I'm excited to put all that I learned last weekend into practice, and see where this wild writing journey takes me. < 3

(and hey, maybe along the way I'll figure out how to end a post without making it awkward)

Have you been to a Realm Makers conference before, or do you plan on going in the future? What's your favorite thing about writers conferences? And hey, since it's somehow still Camp NaNo- how are your projects going?